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Both genders go out of their homes to do jobs spending too much time at work


ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Feb 25, 2011   #1
Hi friends. I gave my IELTS exam on 12th Feb,2011 and today I got my score- 7.5 bands overall with listening-8.5, reading-8, writing-6.5 and speaking-7... EF_KEVIN asked me to share my experience so here it is..the writing task2 was as follows... the essay i wrote was quite similar to the following essay in terms of structure,ideas, main lines and other important things. do respond and give your replies. :)

Question- In many countries both genders go out of their homes to do
jobs spending too much time at work than at home.does the advantage of
this kind of employment outweighs its bad effects on their family
life?

MY ANSWER-

The modernization has completely transformed people's perception. In the modern society, both male and female members are goal oriented and do jobs (in many families). Some people say that its disadvantageous when both the family members go to do jobs. However, many social reforms and the modern outlook has proved that both male and female members have the right to follow their goals

Most importantly, when both genders go to do job, they provide financial security to the family. Money is a very important thing, without which basic needs can't be fulfilled. In addition, both the genders have the right to follow their dreams. In the modern world, both males and females work hard in their academic fields to accomplish their goals. It would be a waste of time if they don't follow their dreams. For instance, how would a girl who worked hard to get a professional degree and is asked to sit at home and take care of a child? Of course, her dreams would be shattered.

Interestingly, some people believe that women are not as competent as men. This is a myth, far from reality. Time and again, women have proved their mettle. However, when both the genders spend too much time at workplace, the family life is affected. They pay less attention to the kids and also their private lives are disturbed. Moreover, mental stress is developed to balance both the work and the family duties. However, there are many couples who know how to balance their lives.Nothing is free in this world, adjustments have to be made. There are numerous advantages of both the genders working, while the disadvantages can be controlled.

Thus, both the genders have the right to work on their goals. Life is all about facing new challenges, and this balancing is one of them. The advantages of the employment trend of both the male and family members working surely outweighs the disadvantages which can be controlled and dealt with.
KathyLala 20 / 116  
Feb 25, 2011   #2
Your scores are the passing scores? If so, congratulation! Your essay is great, straight to the points. Thanks for sharing your experience
OP ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Feb 25, 2011   #3
There is no pass or fail in this exam. It just tests ur english ability n gives u a score. Most of the universities ask for 6.5 band score while some very reputed ask for 7.5...
vaishali1980 26 / 83  
Feb 26, 2011   #4
In your essay wording is very good but I am feeling like that you are stated same point again and again.

Any ways congratulation!!!
OP ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Feb 27, 2011   #5
All is well that ends well. I am just more confident now and will work on my next goal-GRE..so lets see what happens in it..what about u? What u doing?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 4, 2011   #6
Thanks, Ajit!
This will really be beneficial to a lot of people. I'm going to link people to this thread when they want to know about the test.

No need for "the," here:
The Modernization has completely transformed people's perception.

Most importantly, when both genders go to do job work and earn a living, they provide financial security to the family.

Money is a very important thing, without which basic needs can't be fulfilled.--nice sentence

The advantages of the employment trend of both the male and female family members working surely outweighs the disadvantages, which can be controlled and dealt with.

Ajit, I may have mentioned this before, but please check out the contributor page essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/
OP ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Mar 4, 2011   #7
hi Kevin, i have submitted my profile on this page. No reply yet. You can look to it. Should I submit it again or you can process the previous one? Thanks for your reply. Any student appearing for IELTS can contact me. I can tell them the tips I personally followed n forgot to follow(though I wanted to follow.)... I had made few silly mistakes in writing n speaking sections, else my score would have been a little better. Best book to follow- cambridge ielts set of 7 books...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 10, 2011   #8
Thanks, Ajit.

If you do not get a response, please let me know and I'll help!

I think a lot of people can benefit from corresponding with you about the ielts and other efforts... thanks for getting involved! We have a lot of great people contributing.
OP ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Mar 12, 2011   #9
hi Kevin, I got the email from EF and have replied with my bio and a pic. Thanks :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 15, 2011   #10
I'm glad! Thanks, we need all the help we can get. :-)
And you should be listed among the contributors because of all the time you invest helping people!


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