The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life.
To what extent, do you agree or disagree with this view?
With the striking developments in various fields, humanity has experienced remarkable changes over the past several years. Therefore, the norms of lifestyles, attitudes or behaviors in the gone-by days are thought to be incompatible with youngsters in this modern world. Personally, I am in favor of the above statement as the reasons following.
To begin with, on the grounds of the strong transformation of society, some outmoded customs have gradually lost their relevance in the life of young generation. In fact, the world is ever-changing in every aspect of life leading to enormous differences in social viewpoints in each era. Accordingly, numerous prejudices of the elderly are now considered irrational. For example, decades ago, the majority of individuals had a strong aversion to and even vehemently opposed the LGBT+ community or hobbies such as tattoo and piercing. However, nowadays, these topics are commonly seen as normal thanks to the growing priority of human rights and cultural interference.
With respect to career, the young can hardly succeed if only traditional methods are applied. Indeed, before the advances of technology and automation, when most tasks were done laboriously, hard work was highly valued. Nevertheless, in the context of digital era, the keys to success such as diligence of predecessors become outdated. Instead, proactiveness and independence or skills namely computer skills or organizational skills, which were previously overlooked by older generations, are now regarded as factors in achievements.
In conclusion, for the aforementioned reasons, I hold a firm belief that old ideas on mindset or behaviors are not helpful in preparing the new generation to face a modenizing world in most of the cases. Alternatively, the young should get ready to embrace the changes of the new era. (285 words)
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Personally, I am in favor of the above statement
The question was , "To what extent?" The extent is missing in this response. You should have stated the "firm belief" in the opinion sentence first, prior to restating it in the conclusion. It is important that you refer to the correct response format in the first paragraph because you are being scored in the accuracy of your response. Keeping it till the very end means that you will not receive full scoring considerations for your response in the first half of the essay, and will only receive a partial credit for referring to it in the concusion.
for the aforementioned reasons
There is a reason the last paragraph is called the reverse paraphrase. You cannot just mention "the aforementioned reasons", these need to be repeated in short form within the concluding summary. That is because this paragraph is meant to summarize the body of reasons that you provided, in relation to the topic. I wish you had done that properly in this section so you could have recieved a full score credit for the section.