Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Genetically modified crops are potentially dangerous. to what extent do you agree?

spring1986 2 / 2 1  
Apr 30, 2016   #1
Hello friends, could anyone give a score to this essay as an IELTS essay?

In recent years, scientists have achieved remarkable advances in producing crops with modified genes. Despite this state-of-the-art technology would bring about several benefits for the human community, critics have concerns regarding destructive side-effects of it on the environment and human health alike. In my view, people ought to consume genetically modified crops with cautious to avoid any unpredictable situation.

Undoubtedly, genetic engineering is bound to be a predominant means of food production in the years ahead. Thus it would be beneficial in a variety of ways to societies. One overt advantage of this technology is to produce crops, lasting more than organic ones. Therefore, transportation of these food products is set to be more economical. Moreover, scientists by manipulating of genes are able to generate fruits or vegetables which are less allergic. For instance,genetic experts can alleviate the symptoms of allergies in people, sensitive to consume strawberry or eggplant.

By comparison, some people believe genetically modified crops have not been utterly experimented and might lead to some adverse effects on both human bodies and the environment. First of all, environmentalists argue these products are likely to be environmentally-damaging. They claim these crops may not be degradable and remain in the environment for hundred of years. Secondly, physicians contend these food might be detrimental to humans' body system. For example, they may be responsible for emerging of fatal illnesses such as cancer in people.

In conclusion, I personally tend to agree with these concerns regarding consuming of these synthetic foods. I believe authorities should take some precaution measures before making these method of food production industrialize.

salam97 3 / 4  
Apr 30, 2016   #2
Hello Spring1986 , your essay not bad but let me tell you some notes.

in the introduction don't start with ( In recent years ) it's same start with ( nowadays ) and this is considered an overstatement ( you can rephrase the sentence and include it with ) .

with regards to put your opinion , it's better to put it just in the introduction because this's an opinion essay while in discussion there you can put your opinion both in introduction and conclusion .

BTW , I'll give you mark ( 7 ) for each :

1- identify the introduction
2- your opinion in introduction.
3-given enough explain with examples .
4- using linking words .
5-coherence and cohesion .

hope you get achieve success...
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 30, 2016   #3
Spring, I would like to try convey my ideas relating to your score, which is based on Writing IELTS task 2 band descriptors.

Task Response
- You have addressed all parts of the task, which you also have presented a clear position throughout the response. However, it is so unfortunate that you came up with stating your agreement only in the last part of your essay. That is why your score in this part could not go over 7.0.

Coherence and Cohesion
- It is really good that you have logically organized information and ideas, and also there is a clear progression throughout the whole essay. Most of cohesive devices are appropriate, yet some of them are not. For example, when you mentioned 'first of all', you have to mention 'second of all' for the next one. If you change it to 'secondly', it looks messy, and not well-organized or scrambled. Therefore, you also got 7.0 on this part.

Lexical Resource
- This is the best part of your essay. I really like that you were using a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibility to convey precise meanings when you were writing this essay. You also have skillfully used complex vocabularies. This is why you got 8.0 for this one.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy
- In this part, you have used a variety of complex structures. The majority of your sentences are error-free. It indicates that you have a good grammatical control and punctuation. Unfortunately, I've still found few inaccuracies in your grammar and punctuation, for example, 'these method(s), these food(s), hundred(s), and you forgot to give 1 space after comma 'for instance,genetic' . This makes your score cannot go beyond 7.0

Overall, I reckon that your essay is worth between 7.0 - 7.5. However, this is just my view, do not take this as your actual test score. :)

Home / Writing Feedback / Genetically modified crops are potentially dangerous. to what extent do you agree?