Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


Getting advice from friends who are older than you is more valuable


chris0203 1 / 3  
Feb 13, 2011   #1
Dear all,
It's my first post here. Thank you all for taking a look at my essay!
Your comments help to improve my writings!
Be mean if you have to! I can take it!! :)
Thanks.

******************

TOPIC: Getting advice from friends who are older than you is more valuable than friends with your same age.

Nowadays, friends play a valuable part in people's lives. Especially when one is in times of troubles, advices from friends are even more critical. That is where the dispute arises. Would you tend to seek advices from a friend who is older than you or one of your same age? From my standing point, I prone to regard senior friends' advices more valuable.

Advices from friends who are older than you are often in-depth and comprehesive. Compared to friends of your same age, senior friends have obtained such rich life experiences that they often have allaround aspects considered, when giving out advices. As a case in point, contemporty friends' opinions on how to choose an employer to work with, often vary from those of senior friends. Contempory friends may valule salaries as a most important element, whereas senior friends will additionally consider company reputation, culture and talent development plan as critical parts. Hence, when job seekers, especially graduated students, ask for advices from senior friends, they would receive multi-facet and considerable suggestions.

Advices from senior friends are often more persuasive and truthworthy. Senior friends have often gone through what younger person is experiencing, so when he or she enquires problems with them, they can understand him or her better and analyse problems being in his or her shoes, which make their suggestions become more acceptable. However, when contempory friends bothered with the same problem gather around,they have less chance to make problems solved but more sophisticated. For example, when one completes his or her bachlor degree, he or she often faces options of pursuing further study or stepping into job market, so do his or her fellow classmates. Yet with rich practical experiences, senior friends who are already employed or are in graduation school, could better state pros and cons of each option, which helps him or her to undertand each option better in order to make his or her own decision.

To sum up, due to senior friends' abundant social experience, they can see through things and tell hidden problems. Therefore,their suggestions are regarded as allaround, in-depth, and most importantly trustworthy. It is better for one to seek advices from friends older than him or her than from friends of the same age.
jackrw 2 / 9  
Feb 13, 2011   #2
Hey Chris.

1. I don't think the length of the essay is long enough.

2. Do you think you can sum up in the first paragraph?

3. The second and the third will be more about key point and strong supporting materials

4. Do you think you can make the final paragraph stronger?

Just for your reference.
dolly 12 / 32 1  
Feb 15, 2011   #3
I dont know but I think we dont face options..options indeed help us...we face problems everyday..
we have a friend , whom we can ask for an advice
older " than" you
friends of same age.
I am prone...
friends " who " not that
I think all the main paragraphs should not start with the same line.
Otherwise your writing skill is really very good. Please help me too with the same.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Feb 19, 2011   #4
Use the word standpoint, not standing point.

From my standpoint, I prone to regard senior friends' advices more valuable, because __________________- (Sum up your reason in that sentence at the end of the first paragraph, and then use the rest of the essay to explain it.)

... would receive multi-faceted and considerable suggestions.

...her bachlor bachelor degree, he or she often ...
Nice job! You have some very impressive sentences, and your mistakes are inconsequential. :-)


Home / Writing Feedback / Getting advice from friends who are older than you is more valuable
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳