In the era of technology progress. Make our lives more comfortable even buying a book. You do not have to go to the store to buy it. You just have internet access and press select and pay. A book will be sent to your home. I agree that online shopping for book is increasingly popular because it's convenient for shoppers online stores can reduce their prices dramatically, and you can follow the new update every day.
You should've written that even our everyday routine can be simplified by technology progress. And then present online shopping as an example. You shouldn't directly point at the reader, so avoid using "you". You could say, for example, "There is no need to leave the house - online-shops make purchasing possible within two clicks of the mouse.
" and so on. The vocabulary you chose is primarly conversational. Try and spend time learning academic vocab - it'll increase your score dramatically.
The begin with, buying books online is convenient for shoppers. They can spend time browsing through the Internet as long as they want. If you go to the store, you may not take long to find the book you want. Because the number of people in the shop a lot. And they can shop within a limit of time, because you can order right away.
You have used The begin with, buying books online is convenient for shoppers.
in your introduction. Do not repeat the sentences you write because they simply won't count and will reduce your score. The overall idea is good, but again, revise sentence structure and read more essays.
Secondly, stores that operate exclusively online can afford to dramatically reduce their prices. Make buyers can get cheaper books online because you will have the exclusive right to purchase over the internet. You benefit of the cheaper prices to buy the stores. And they do not have to buy/rent a space for the actual store nor hire an army of employees to help the clients. Reduce costs possible and can also be money left over to invest in other parts in this section as well.
Again, right idea! But you should have presented why online book-stores reduce the prices.
I don't see the conclusion indicator, you better use one of those: Consequently, to sum up, in conclusion, concluding
If it's an IELTS essay, I'd give you a score of 5.