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Give reasons for your answer on statement that happiness is contemplated as substantial in our life

leo_learn 1 / 1  
Oct 29, 2017   #1

Happiness is considered very important in life.

Why is it difficult to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Give reason s for your answer and include any relevant examples from you won knowledge or experience.

In this day and age, people increasingly focus on their mental health. The happiness is the most important element in the good quality mental health. Therefore, happiness is significant in our daily life. Happiness is very abstract, also people are hard to give it a definition. Why? Below I will explain it.

First, the main reason is that everyone have their own standard. Some of the people think that earn money very much is happiness. But, some of the people think that have dinner with family is happiness. It depend on the demand of the people. We cannot find the common standard to define happiness. In other words, it have various standard in different people. Although happiness do not have common standard, it have common factor to achieve it. Below I will explain the important factor in achieving happiness.

The main factor is individual factor. That mean the happiness depend on the demand of individual. In my experience, I got the 50% mark in the exam. I felt very happy. My best friend's result same with me. But, he felt upset. Why? It is because the demand of me is lower than him. So, if we want to achieve happiness easily, don't set the standard too high.

In conclusion, everyone have their own standard in happiness. However, if we want easy to get happy, we need to aim not too high. It will have the positive effect for our mental health. Making our more happiness in our daily life.
just_writer 24 / 42 5  
Oct 29, 2017   #2
Here are some corrections,

everyone has their
think that having dinner
It depends on the
it has various standards in
happiness does not
That means the
Making our more happiness => Making us happier

I think it could be better if you state one factor in each paragraph with the reason why that factor is hard to get. Normally your two or three body paragraphs should not have the same argument, each paragraph should represent an argument.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,699 3503  
Oct 29, 2017   #3
Leo, there was an error on your part in representing the prompt paraphrase in your essay. You accidentally did it twice. You are only required to present one paraphrase per essay. Additionally, neither of your prompt representations were accurate. So the failure to properly represent the prompt assured this essay of a failing score. Here is the correct prompt paraphrase:

One of the considerable factors in the life of a person is happiness. For some reason though, happiness has become almost impossible to explain. Perhaps this is because of the differing elements that an individual feels he needs to fulfill in order to consider himself happy. In this essay, I will explain the reasons for my answer and also, present supporting discussions that come form my personal experience and understanding of what happiness is all about.

With that proper paraphrase, the next step would have been to present the discussion in the 2nd paragraph. Your reasoning is acceptable it is just the presentation that is wrong. All you have to do to fix that part is to remove the statement "First, the main reason..." and "Below I will explain..." because those are the mistaken presentations that accidentally created a second topic paraphrase.

As for your third paragraph, you actually did just repeat the discussion. Both were based on individual standards for happiness consideration. So your essay is short by 2 more justification discussion paragraphs. There is just no way around that error in this case. So, the wrong paraphrase, the repeated paraphrase, and the wrong discussion method all combined to make sure that you got the lowest possible, non passing score for this essay.
OP leo_learn 1 / 1  
Oct 30, 2017   #4
Thank you. I will try my best to improve my English

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