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Given is a bar chart illustrating the amount of rice production in ten top nations in 1999


hungtho 2 / 10  
Nov 10, 2013   #1
It's the first time I write a essay in here. Anyone can help me to check errors in my essay. Thanks you in advance.

Given is a bar chart illustrating the amount of rice production in ten top nations in 1999.

On particularly interesting fact highlighted by chart is that the major of ten top rice producing countries located Asian
area which had traditional about planting wet rice. We can also see that American is the smallest rice producing
of ten countries and only country outside Asia.

It is interesting to note that country with the highest population in the world is the highest of rice production.
Actually, from information provided by bar chart, China is the biggest of the amount rice producing in 1999,
reaching approximately 192.971 thousands of tons. Likewise, the second highest population is also the second rice production,
producing in the vicinity of 122.224 thousands of rice tons. Meanwhile, several developing countries like Malaysia, Thailand,
and Viet Nam achieved the rice yield in a midrange from 16 million to 27 millions of tons.

By contrast, the rice producing of both nations America and Philippines respectively are considerably smaller.
The former reaches mere 8.183 thousands of tons and the later only 10 millions of tons.
While the production of Japan is a little higher, at nearly 12 millions of tons.
Traveler 6 / 14 2  
Nov 10, 2013   #2
Hi, could you attach an image of the graph?
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 10, 2013   #3
It's the first time I write a essay in here. Anyone can help me to check errors in my essay. Thanks you in advance.

Ok.... then I have a few admin stuff to tell you :D
First, you should have a more meaningful title for your essay, that is a forum rule as well as it helps you gain attention of others that earns you more feedbacks. Also, by doing so you make my life easier :D

Second, it is better you mention the purpose of your essay in the title itself. I guess this is written for IELTS Task 1. Third, you should upload the graph for others to see, using the "Attach file(s)" option above.
OP hungtho 2 / 10  
Nov 10, 2013   #4
oh, really sorry. I closed a file docx to describle about my essay. May be It had some errors during uploading my file. I'll try again.

Thanks you for reading my essay. :)
OP hungtho 2 / 10  
Nov 10, 2013   #5
my essay was edited to everyone looking easier.


  • This is the figures about my essay.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 10, 2013   #6
oh, really sorry. I closed a file docx to describle about my essay. May be It had some errors during uploading my file. I'll try again.

No worries :D Now it's ready for me to comment on your essay :D

Given is a bar chart illustrating the amount of rice production in ten top nations in 1999.

....Introduction - this is good

On particularly interesting fact highlighted by chart is that the major of ten top rice producing countries located Asianregion
areawhich had traditional about planting wet rice. We can also see that American is the smallest rice producing
of ten countries and only country outside Asia.

.... this para should give the reader an overview on the graph. Since this is report writing task, you should tell things very concisely in a more official tone that suits reporting something. For the overview, you need to pick the most obvious trends and should not tell anything outside the graphical presentation. That is why I removed the part "which had traditional about planting wet rice". This is what I suggest;

It can be seen that out of the top ten rice produces, nine of them are Asian countries with China being the largest rice producer. America is the only non Asian country which secures the tenth place in world rice production.
OP hungtho 2 / 10  
Nov 10, 2013   #7
oh, I see. Thanks you for your great advice.
Traveler 6 / 14 2  
Nov 10, 2013   #8
An important thing I want to make you notice is that the graph describes something happened in the past, so you should use past tense. Another thing, there is no need to say the exact figure, just say for example "almost 193,000" instead of 192,971.

It is interesting to note that the country with the highest population in the world is also the highest of rice production

. major producer of rice, with almost 193000 tons .

Actually, from information provided by bar chart, China is the biggest of the amount rice producing in 1999 ,
reaching approximately 192.971 thousands of tons.

You already mentioned in the previous sentence, so i deleted this part, you can simply add the number at the end of the previous sentence (see above).

By contrast, the rice producing of both nations America and Philippines respectively are considerably smaller.

amounts of rice produced by the USA and Philippines are considerably smaller

The former reaches mere 8.183 thousands of tons and the latt er only 10 millions of tons.
While the production of Japan is a little higher, at nearly 12 millions of tons.

Hope it helps
OP hungtho 2 / 10  
Nov 10, 2013   #9
Thank you so much :)


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