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The given charts represent the consequences of the questionnaire of teen erudition

Dilnoza_32 1 / -  
Apr 14, 2016   #1
The given charts represent the consequences of questionnaire of teen erudition, thus initial chart headlines the main factors why young individuals make a decision to graduate, furthermore, the pie chart indicates public opinions about the prices of adult education and their share in it.

As it is seen, interest in subject leads the main role with 40% among applicants, likewise gaining qualifications hits less 2 points i.e. 38% of general decision. Other factors, such as helpful for current job, developing prospects of promotion and enjoyment of studying keeps 22 and 20% as they are showing the half amount of the first reason.

Being able to change jobs, and meeting new people, unfortunately, take last positions with 12 and 9%, however, these less regarding reasons play an indispensable role in socializing and begetting excellent experience on a daily routine.

Having a look to the costs which should be shared, people prefer to pay 40% of money for individuals and less 5% for employer. As usual, taxpayer is taken into consideration in the last position with 25% and these shares are considered as a fair division.

nabila05 8 / 12  
Apr 19, 2016   #2
Hi, Dilnoza. Your writing is good but it will be perfect if you correct some phrases in your essay. Please, mind my correction below

- The given charts represents
- thus, initial chart
- leads the main role with 40% amongof applicants
- i.e. 38% of the general decision
- helpful for the current job
- having a look toat the costs which should be shared
- as usual, a taxpayer

Furthermore, please try to organize the essay by adding at least 1 space for every paragraph that you make because it will ease the examiner in reading and give some corrections. The examiner will not spend very long grading your paper. You need to create an immediate good impression and the best way to do this is to present a well-structured piece of writing with clearly laid out paragraphs.

Moreover, please try to avoid using ..% repetitively and write more dynamic by change it with fraction, qualifier, proportion, or amount. For example: 20% = one-fifth, 25% = a quarter, 5% = one in twenty or a very small number, etc.

I hope you find my feedback is helpful towards your future improvement in IELTS writing. Good luck, Dilnoza :)

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