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IELTS: giving financial aids to the poor countries is not the way to go


adriennelin 11 / 30  
Oct 14, 2010   #1
Some people say that richer countries are required to help the poor nations financially; others say this kind of help has more disadvantages than advantages. Do you agree or disagree?

It has been discussed fervently that whether or not developed nations are obligated to provide financial aid for the impoverished nations. It is my opinion that it might worsen the current situation in those countries if we do so, for reasons stated below.

To begin with, the previous aids from the UN to Africa have made them so dependent that they have no intension to help themselves on their own feet. The people there might accustom to the food throwing down from the helicopter, therefore forsake the will as well as the ability to grow crops on their own, for instance. Personally, I assert that it is better to teach them how to fish than to give them the fish.

Furthermore, I believe that everyone wants to live with dignity, not with sympathy. Therefore the poor are certainly able to produce and thrive, if provided with the means to do so. Perhaps the rich can offer them loan to help them start. Nevertheless, they should be restricted to loans only and nothing more.

Giving financial aids to the poor countries might be the humane, decent, and righteous thing to do. Nonetheless, there are various methods that can achieve the same effect. Sending doctors or teachers, as an illustration, to help them with education and health seems to be more practical in the long term, because it is evident that these are equally crucial for a nation to prosper.

To sum up, I strongly agree with the assertion that to rescue the poor nations by throwing money at them has more drawbacks than benefits, due to the fact that those people rescuing themselves. If we wish to help them for moral reasons, we could do so through other approaches.

(288 words)

I'd love some feedbacks on my essay. Thanks!
linying 5 / 14  
Oct 16, 2010   #2
The people there might accustom to the food throwing down from the helicopter, and therefore they forsake the will as well as the ability to grow crops on their own, for instance.
Irrational 6 / 13  
Oct 16, 2010   #3
Hello adriennelin,

I liked your introduction sentence.

- they have no intention to help
- the helicopter. Therefore they forsake
- certainly able to produce and thrive maybe you should write "willing" instead "able", it seems more coherent to me given your previous sentence about "wanting to live with dignity"

However I think you got good ideas and wrote a nice essay.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 18, 2010   #4
These are great ideas! Here is another one:
It One issue that has been discussed fervently is whether or not developed nations are obligated to provide financial aid for the impoverished nations.

Try writing that sentence in a few different ways, to practice:
One issue that has been discussed fervently is the question of whether or not people should use high doses of vitamin C to treat cancer.

One question that has been discussed fervently is the question of how people should develop sustainable energy.

Practice typing the correct sentences 10 times! :-)

It is my opinion that it might worsen the current situation in those countries if we do so, for reasons stated below. --- good sentence

Furthermore, I believe that everyone wants to live with dignity, not with sympathy. Therefore the poor are certainly able to produce and thrive if provided with the means to do so.---I am impressed! You have a lot of high quality sentences.

Here is another form to practice:
If we wished to help them for moral reasons, we could do so through other approaches.
or
If we wish to help them for moral reasons, we could will do so through other approaches.
These 2 ways are correct.
But this is incorrect: If we wish -----> we could
pierre11 2 / 2  
Oct 18, 2010   #5
Hello adriennelin,

To improve your introduction:

Begin with a sentence describing the general background before speaking about the question of the essay:

Since the industrial revolution in the 19th century, the gap has widened between rich countries, leading the way through both their technology and infrastructures, and poor countries, desperately trying to gain momentum.

Then, explain what leads to the question :

The third world has become economically dependant on developed countries and has been used as a mere supplier of raw materials.

Finally, intruduce the subject :

That is why it is agreed that rich countries have to help their less fortunate neighbours. However, others refute this idea.
OP adriennelin 11 / 30  
Oct 19, 2010   #6
Thanks linying and Irrational for correcting my grammar!

Kevin,
Thank you for your suggestions!
One issue that has been discussed fervently is... I'll definitely remember this!
...and work on my conditional sentences!

pierre11,
Thank you for your advice on how to improve my introduction!
I'll work on it although I'm currently having trouble finishing the essay on time.
So if I spend too much time on the introduction, I probably won't be able to finish the essay. :(
I wonder if I can work on it by keep writing a lot of essays...?


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