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IELTS task 2 (global climate change) - carbon print


chanyinyui 2 / 6 1  
May 27, 2019   #1

Who should take responsibility for the climate change?



Topic: Some people think that developed countries have a higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. Others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment.

My essay: Climate change has become a global problem since the last century. The question of which country, more developed country or less developed country, should be more responsible for such issue has been highly controversial. While some people holds that all countries are responsible for environmental protection, I firmly hold that developed countries have a greater responsibility than developing countries.

There is ample evidence to suggest that developing countries emit more greenhouse gas in the past 10 years due to a rapid initialization and the establishment of manufacturing firms of the multinational corporations. These companies are attracted by the low tax rate and lenient environmental regulations; therefore setting up their production lines. At such it can be concluded that developing countries should work in combating global climate change.

I believe that there are some fault with this reasoning. Developed countries clearly lack of well-established system and technology to alleviate pollution problem and the emission of greenhouse gas. In contrast, more developed countries, United States and Germany, should have sufficient capital and technological innovation to reduce their pollution level. More, developed countries have the responsibility to be the leading role of dealing with global issues. Various measures can be applied, for example, technological transfer and emission trading. International co-operation is believed to be essential especially when all countries are facing the same problem.

To summarize, I feel that all countries should contribution to lower their emission level and protect the atmospheric environment regardless of their level of development. To avoid further deterioration of the issue, they should work together to reduce carbon footprint.

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Please help me to mark my essay and give me a band score
thanks!!!

Maria [Contributor] - / 934 337  
May 27, 2019   #2
@chanyinyui
Hi there!

I will not necessarily give a band score; I would still provide you with feedback on your essay.

A couple of key notes to consider and become cautious of:

1. Watch out for the structure of your sentences - hereafter, also your entire paragraph. Using techniques to integrate your thoughts will bring you a long way when it comes to writing.

2. Evade repetitive language when you are writing. If you find yourself using the same word/s, try to use synonymous - or simply restructure your sentence in a way that would avoid the issue altogether.

3. Be wary of lengthy sentences. Often, the reason why we get to these lengths is not because it is necessary. Rather, we forget to cut down on irrelevant details.

Keeping these in mind, let's revise a few portions of your essay.

Climate change has grown to be a global problem. The question of which country, more developed or less developed, should shoulder the responsibility has been controversial. While some people believe it should be all countries, I hold firm that developed countries have a greater responsibility.

There is ample evidence suggesting that developing countries emit more greenhouse gas in the past decade due to rapid advancements in manufacturing from multinational firms. These companies, attracted by low tax rates and lenient environmental regulation, set up massive production lines.

[...]


The succeeding/last sentence you had for the second paragraph is quite unnecessary; you can omit it. When you are writing the third paragraph try to have a different tone and approach in writing as you were repeating the same terminologies and thoughts. If you can be more innovative in your content, it will go a long way.

Best of luck as always!
OP chanyinyui 2 / 6 1  
May 28, 2019   #3
thanks so much for your feedback! very detailed!


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