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Global product and economy - CAMBRIDGE IELTS 10 Test 3 Writing Task 2

Minhnek4 1 / 1  
Jun 18, 2021   #1

global product market in crisis

As the world is becoming integrated, an enormous number of nations have by far undergone a resemblance that sparked an in-depth controversy in our contemporary society. From my perspective, this tendency, however, seems to be a negative enhancement due to the lack of vibrancy accompanied by the massive pressure upon the product market.

There is no denying the fact that having introduced a wide range of commodities universally, each nation tends to lose its own vibrancy. As a consequence, there will be a depletion put on the diversity of any single culture, plummeting profit gaining from the tourism industry. On account of the diverse culture and merchandises are pronouncedly attached to tourists' curiosity. Even more disturbing, though, other categories of service will be in a duplicated condition as a result of the decline in economic input.

Aside from the aforementioned circumstance, the global product market will experience an adverse crisis. By virtue of the continuous competition among industrial companies toward similar merchandise, which allows an increasing wealth of product quantity, lowing the residents' living standard. Another negative aspect that should be taken into consideration is the jeopardy of bankruptcy, as a result, a great deal of the unemployed will be witnessed by society. Taking the economic crisis occurred in the United States throughout the 1970s as a typical illustration of what I am implying.

In conclusion, I once reaffirm my statement that the growth in the same product will be viewed as negative as a result of the loss of cultural vibrancy as well as the shakable global economy. Once proper receipts are taken into force, our world will be ever-increased.

One more useless thread title = ban.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,430 4691  
Jun 19, 2021   #2
There is no prompt attached to this essay which makes it difficult to review. As there are several similar prompts related to this topic, only a general review may be provided.

The paraphrase can be made clearer. The reader needs to understand the exact focus of this discussion. What resemblance proves to be a problem? Why is it termed a negative enhancement? Does the writer realize that a " negative enhancement " is a contradiction in terms/ meaning?

Negative - Noun; a negative statement, answer, word, gesture,
Enhancement - verb; to raise to a higher degree

Enhancement should be used on positive leems as much as possible to avoid meaning confusion.

Though the words combined sound high brow, the actual meaning is confusing to the reader. The word usage in this essay is mostly meant to impress the examiner but fails in its task because the meaning of the sentence becomes hard to decipher in ordinary terms. The writer should focus on being understood rather than showing his word range.

Do not use information such as the 1970's U.S. economy as an example because the audience for this essay isn't comprised of economic professionals. more everyday references would have sufficed. Or any easily understood reference to the way economies are affected by the topic would have helped deliver a clearer idea of what you wish to say.
OP Minhnek4 1 / 1  
Jun 20, 2021   #3
Thank you so so much for your reply. Honestly, this is my first essay at this forum so mistakes are inevitable. I will apply your advice to my next essay.

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