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Task 1. Global sales of top mobile phones


Bob brother 15 / 22  
Jun 11, 2015   #1
The bar chart below shows global sales of the top of five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

The bar chart compares five various mobile phones in terms of the overall sales by brand that they have sold (millions) phones.

It is clear that the Nokia is the by the most successful sold by brand in the years. It is also noticeable that the figures for Nokia and Samsung mobile phones sold by any particular years tend to be fairly similar.

The Samsung has sold a total of around 450% in 2013, including approximately 330% in 2011, around 240% in 2009 years. In the second place on all-time Nokia sold just well 440% in 2009 and again the number of Nokia sold around 420% and 250% from 2011 to 2013.

Only three other phone companies the Apple, LG and ZTE have sold more than 50% global mobile phones, all with similar proportions of each type of mobiles. After that LG was followed by ZTE are only other global mobile with a noticeable the lowest proportion of phone about 110% between 2009 and 2013. The Apple mobile company accounting for the smallest proportion around (20%-140%) from 2009 to 2013.

HERE IS A LITTLE MISTAKE THAT I MADE, DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO PERCENTAGE
THAT SHOULD BE BILLION
I NEED GRAMMAR CHECK
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 12, 2015   #2
- The bar chart below shows global sales of the top of five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

- It is clear that the Nokia is the by the most successful sold by brand sold in the years.

- It is also noticeable that the figures for Nokia and Samsung mobile phones sold by anyin these particular years tend to be fairly similar.

- After that LG was followed by ZTE are onlyand other global mobile with a noticeable the lowestlow proportion of phone about 110% between 2009 and 2013.

Bob, I made a few grammar corrections on your analysis.
Mind your sentence construction as it really affects the thought of the whole paragraph.
There's one habit I have and I think it will work, I proof read my writing and when they sound flat, that means
there's something wrong and you have to enhance it.

Overall, It's a good analysis and you scored all the points that needs to be taken cared of.

Write more and read a lot, this helps enhance your vocabulary.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!
Adhisti 20 / 19 2  
Jun 13, 2015   #3
Hi, Bob.. I have some suggestions for your writing.

The bar chart compares five various mobile phones in terms of the overall sales by brand that they have sold (millions) phones.

The bar chart compares the number of mobile phones sales with top five brands.

It is clear that the Nokia is the by the most successful sold by brand in the years. It is also noticeable that the figures for Nokia and Samsung mobile phones sold by any particular years tend to be fairly similar.

What stands out from the data reveals that Nokia was the most successful brand in the period of question.It can also be seen that the figures of Nokia and Samsung sale showed the similar trend.


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