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Task 1: The global water consumption and the comparison of water usage in Brazil and Congo


Maya29 14 / 18 14  
Apr 16, 2016   #1
The world's water consumption in three categories during the period 1990 to 2000 is illustrated in the line graph, and the comparison between water usage in Brazil and Congo in 2000 is presented in the table. Units in the line graph are measured in km3. At the first glance, it is evident that the line graph forms an upward trend with the level of water consumption in agricultural showed the highest level. Moreover, it can also be seen clearly that Brazil consumed more water than Congo.

There was a dramatic increase in the number of water for farming. Furthermore, It broke the record as the biggest use until the end of period at virtually 3,000 km3. Similarly, started at almost zero point, the amount of water for both industrial and domestic use rose moderately. However, industrial purposes consumed water at over than twice more compared to domestic water consumption in 2000.

Turning to Brazil and Congo water consumption, with the rate of population at thirty times more than Congo, Brazil consumed more water both for land irrigation and personal use. Nevertheless, the Democratic Republic of Congo consumed a tiny number of water at 100 km2 in agrarian use and 8 m3 per person.




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 16, 2016   #2
Maya, I would like to say that you actually have a great potential in writing. You need to improve it a little bit more, since your report summary is understandable even some sentences are still confusing. Please be more careful in composing some sentences, especially when it comes to complex sentence. This is because complex sentence can improve your final grade if you use it accurately, but if you don't, it will badly damage your final grade. I will show you the comparison of band 5 and band 6 in writing.

Band 5 for grammatical range and accuracy:
- uses only a limited range of structures
- attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences(many students failed because of this)
- may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader(this one is also dangerous)

Band 6 for grammatical range and accuracy:
- uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
- makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication(this is what you have to aim)

Now, for a breakdown of your grammatical issues, mind the corrections below:

- At the first glance
- the line graph formsformed an upward trend with the level of water consumption in agricultural showed the highest level. (when it comes to overview, you should directly shift your tenses according to the line graph)

- Moreover, it can also be seen clearly that(redundancy, you have stated an overview earlier (at first glance))
- To begin with, there was a dramatic (rather than directly start the sentence, better put a cohesive device/transition words there)
- Furthermore, Itit broke (it was not the beginning of the sentence, make it lowercase)
- the biggest useusage
- However, industrial purposes consumed water at over than twice more compared to domestic (please read again, the words that I marked is confusing)

There you are Maya, I hope my insight is helpful towards your future enhancement in writing.

Keep writing and Good Luck :)


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