Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Globalisation and cultural identities

Duyanh120197 1 / -  
Aug 10, 2022   #1
As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is obvious that globalization has been under serious consideration due to the rapid development of communication and transport. Actually, many people claim that globalization may completely eliminate cultural identities. From my perspectives, the viewpoint mentioned is not true to a certain extent as a clarified below.

In the first place, I suppose that the viewpoint is not true for some important reasons as follows. To begin with, globalisation encourages interal promotion of traditional cuisine thanks to international travelers and social networks. In fact, there are a variety of Thailand, Vietnamese, French, or Italy all over the world. We now have more chance to taste and even learn how to cook Asian, European, African Food and beverages. For examples, Pho, which is one of Vietnamese traditional dishes, is now widely known and available in all continents. In additions, it popularizes the music industry of one's nation through mass media . It is apparent that Western music dominates virtual listening platforms such as Spotify, Apple, or Youtube. This attracts a great deal of worldwide listeners on a daily basis. Eventually, it is globalisation contributing remarkable improvements to the transportation and communication. By virtue of of fast development of aeroplane as well as advanced technologies, people now have more opportunities to get access to new cultures. That is the they could look back to their culture, eliminate their improper cultural values or reinforce their cultural identities. Also, the cultural values of one's country such as customs or beliefs can be widespread via travellers and the Internet.

On the other hand, as far as I'm concerned, the viewpoint is fully convincing in some ways. Obviously, the folk costume is becoming more ignored, fashion trend and affordable prices of clothing have an immense effect on the young generation, leading to dressing same outfits. In addition, the minority languages of several nations

tend to disappear gradually as a result of globalisation. Hence, speaking and using same languages are unavoidable.

In brief, there are controversial arguments about the issue denoted. Personally, I strongly believe that globalisation would rather greatly develop and maintain cultural identities rather than wipe out their entirety.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,209 4317  
Aug 11, 2022   #2
It is advisable to avoid statements of fact such as "It is obvious" since there are no such claims made in the original presentation. The examiner is looking for adherence to the original opinion within the topic restatement. These original opinions are often presented as mere generalizations and do not require any attestation in the restatement. Such representations result in altered topic foundations which will merit point deductions. I have to say that the second sentence is quite effective though. It portrays an interesting way of delivering the public concern as stated in the original. However, this strength was weakened by the incomplete writer's opinion presentation. While the establishing phrase is well developed, the lack of direct thesis presentation left the reader wondering about the upcoming discussions. It removed the required clear opinion presentation basis of the writer's opinion. It will also result in score deductions in relation to that paragraph.

One of the things that the writer cannot do in this essay is "suppose" about something. That is because the writer is to assume the tone of an authoritative figure in the discussion who is confident of his opinion and its appropriateness to the discussion. Now, since the writer wrote this paragraph as a supporting paragraph for an opinion that does not align with his previously stated point of view, this paragraph has become worthless. The examiner will not consider scoring this paragraph since it does not align with the single opinion discussion requirement for both paragraphs. Another problem is that his support for the opposing side was far better developed and discussed than his own opinion. So maybe the writer made a mistake in his decision to support the aforementioned opinion? Since it is an extent dis/agree essay, the writer should not be afraid to support the opposing side if that is the one he can better defend. It would have better helped his final score.

The writer opposed himself in terms of his opinion statement in the conclusion, which will lead to a confusing conclusion for the reader. He will not get a passing score for this essay. He should have stuck to his original partial opinion instead of suddenly changing it to a strong statement for the topic.

Home / Writing Feedback / Globalisation and cultural identities