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'Globalization is like elephant' - how it affects the world?


izhar 3 / 6  
Aug 4, 2014   #1
Globalization is a phenomenon, which is shaping world economics. Some countries are progressing at an unmatched rate, while others are suffering from its hidden side effects. To understand it, one should look on the both side of the picture.

First, let us look at how globalization is benefiting people and how it helps in improving economic condition. Everyone knows if you want better jobs, you want investment in your country. For this reason, governments around the world are allowing International companies to step up businesses in their countries. Once such companies start their operations, people starts getting jobs and in turn, the economy improves. In addition, those branded companies maintain a good standard and produce quality products. Thus, it improves the living standard of local people. Not only that, those global companies offers good salaries, and other benefits like health insurance and end of service benefits, which make people think that globalization and franchising is the way forward.

On the other side of the picture, these benefits come at a cost. Many small local companies either starts facing market pressure or they go out of business because they cannot compete with those international companies simple because they do not have such resources and funds remain in competition. Secondly, these global companies offer a new way of life, which promotes Western cultures and styles. Moreover, this increases the gap between rich and poor to a next level. Other than this, rich countries start ripping off poor countries by consuming there resources and polluting their environment. In the end, we find out environmental organizations raise their voices against such issues. Nevertheless, local governments have their own interest in those multinationals, so they simply turn a blind eye on them. Therefore, those companies continue to operate without any corrective measures.

In conclusion, globalization is an elephant, which seems good from far side, but once we bring it in our homes it become apparent that it want more resources than what we expected. It destroys the natural environment and leaves very little space for locals to live. Government should control the influx of such companies and make sure that such companies do not affect the local business and the environment in any way, by implementing stringent and strict policies for them.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Aug 4, 2014   #2
Globalization is a phenomenon, which is shaping world economics.

Is this you mean? The increasing globalization of business has changed the world.

Some countries are progressing at an unmatched rate, while others are suffering from its hidden side effects.

While subject + verb, subject + verb. This is called a periodic sentence mostly used in introductory paragraph.

you

Write some people, instead of you
OP izhar 3 / 6  
Aug 5, 2014   #3
Thanks for your comments. Can you tell me what you think about the essay overall. I am targeting band 7 for IELTS.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Aug 5, 2014   #4
Can you tell me what you think about the essay overall.

It is hard to share meaningful feedback because you did not include the complete prompt.

You need more works for the introductory paragraph. Some phrases should be rewritten as to prevent a lack of clarity. Instead of writing this:

Globalization is a phenomenon, which is shaping world economics.

, you'd better write: The increasing globalization of business has changed the world. . Also, I did not see you present a strong thesis statement. Remember: a strong thesis statement takes some sort of stand.

Some limited vocabularies are shown;

step up businesses

run/establish business. One word is always better than two words.

people

This can be categorized as sweeping generalization. Write some people

good

This word is too common and not for a score of 7. Use it's synonym

go out of

present more academic tone

turn a blind eye on

This is vague.

globalization is an elephant, which seems good from far side,

This brings a vague idea. Clarity of writing makes the essay a pleasure to read
OP izhar 3 / 6  
Aug 5, 2014   #5
This brings a vague idea. Clarity of writing makes the essay a pleasure to read

These advises are certainly worth noting. Many thanks.


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