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'thank to god not being sick' IELTS - What factors are important in achieving happiness?


akyuznet 1 / -  
Aug 3, 2010   #1
Happiness is considered very important in life.
Why it is difficult to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?

For the human being, happiness is the most valuable achievement in their life but it is very difficult to define what the happiness is. The main reason for that is the definition of happiness is different for everyone. People from all around the world have different expectations from their life and these expectations are related to their life style and environment.

If you ask someone the meaning of happiness, he or she will pause for a time because the description of happiness is very complicated. He or she has to think about whole life and the stories that he or she had experienced before with very different feelings then he or she will decide what was the best event that made him or her happy. Also, the things that makes people are dependent to age because for a children, a toy makes them happy; for teenagers a car makes them happy..

To achieve happiness is not very hard but to defining happiness is very difficult. If people could find the meaning of being happy they will achieve happiness in a short time because they will know the route of happiness. None of the wind can help a ship if it does not know the destination.

Another very important factor being happy is thinking about worse times. When i think about my illness that i had before, i thank to god not being sick. Health always comes first for everyone who wants to be happy. For example, I will be very happy if i am the richest person on the world but i have cancer and doctors say that i have one month to live, how could i be happy..

As a result, happiness is dependent to place, age and life. We can not define happiness for everyone but everyone has stories that make them happy.

ershad193 14 / 337 5  
Aug 3, 2010   #2
For thea human being -- use the indefinite article "the" only when you are referring to a particular person or thing.

expectations from their lifelives and...

Don't use too many "he or she". Stick with one! This is just an examination essay. No one will accuse you of gender bias.

things that makes people happy are dependent to on age because for a children, a toy makes them happy; for teenagers a car makes them happy.. -- the part in red is erroneous. I couldn't come up with a good suggestion. Revise it, and read it out loud to yourself.

To achieve happiness is not very hard but to defining happiness is very difficult.

Okay, here you are repeating yourself. Read the first line of the essay.
Always make it a point to leave at least five minutes for revision. It'll help weed out these things.

None of the wind can help a ship if it does not know the destination.

...awkwardly constructed sentence. Be careful while using metaphors. You won't get any marks for your creativity if you mess up the grammar.

I think these are enough corrections for one day.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Aug 4, 2010   #3
For the human being, happiness is the most valuable achievement, in their life but happiness is very difficult to define.

Also, the things that make people happy vary according to age; in the case of a child, a toy makes them happy; for teenagers, a car makes them happy.

To achieve happiness is not very hard but to defining define happiness is very difficult.
you can say 'to define' or 'defining' but do not say 'to defining."
To achieve happiness is not very hard, but defining happiness is very difficult.

If they can, they will.
If people could can find the meaning of being happy they will achieve ...

or

If people could, they would...
If people could find the meaning of happiness, they would achieve...

:-)


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