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'gold fish' - my pet essay


readerxmog 2 / 2  
Jul 15, 2012   #1
please comment

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my pet

my pet is a gold fish.its name is Sonny.there are more than three types of gold fish.it is in the carp family.the gold fish was the first fish to be domesticated. the japans were the first

to start breeding them.they come from East Asia.

the gold fish likes to eat palates vegetables and meat.i feed it twice a day.the gold fish was brought from japan . my father went to japan when he was doing his project .he saw some people selling gold fish . my father bought it for ten dollars .when he came with it home i was so happy . after hat ! i am taking care of it

sonny is very smart when i turn off the light sleeps. i love sonny because he can spine.

done by Readerxmog
April April 13 / 148 22  
Jul 15, 2012   #2
The Japans were => the JAPANESE were
When he came it with home => when he came HOME WITH IT
when I turn off the light sleeps => what do you mean? Do you mean "when I turn off the light and sleep"? It's grammatically wrong. Revise it to make yourself clearer.

Generally, there are no big gramatical mistakes, but the thing is that you should use a little more complex structures by connecting two sentences with words like "and", "but", "then", "after that",... to make the story more interesting. Also, add an intro to the writing. (and I was wondering what the purpose of this essay is?)

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