Good and bad punishment of children - essay (IELTS)

Topic (extracted from test 1, Cambridge IELTS 10)

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

punishment can be made if necessary

It is believed that understanding the distinction between right and wrong is essential for children, in addition, punishing them is necessary if they make mistakes. Personally, I completely support this viewpoint.

First, the ability to determine an issue is right or wrong is crucial for kids because it is one of the elements that make their personality. Once the personality is generated, it will be stable and hard to adjust. Therefore, helping the to distinguish between good and bad behaviors is essential. Furthermore, punishment is helpful in case that children behave badly due to the guilty feeling it provides. Unless they are able to self-correct their way of thinking, stricter punishments should be applied.

In contrast, there are a lot of disagreements to this viewpoint. Most of the young adults think that children are still very young and punishments are unnecessary. To my mind, I believe that early age is the suitable period of time for a person to learn about morality, additionally, it is easier to train small children than teenagers and young adults. In the other hand, many people argue that a child will grow up eventually and he can learn themselves. As cited above, a person's character is stable once generated, and those children who are not trained about morality will be hard to fit in any community due to their lack of consciousness.

Many kinds of punishments can be used by parents and teachers to teach young children. Among them, the best way that I can think of is that we should make them stay in their own room, let them think about what they did and decide if it is good or bad. Any violent punishment such as hitting by a stick or not allowing them to eat should not be applied because the merely influence badly on them

In conclusion, I strongly agree with the viewpoint that the distinction between right and wrong should be taught to children and punishment can be made if necessary.

lack of uncommong vocabulary, such as "make"
and still there is typo, such as "helping the to distinguish between"
and will be different meaning between "young children" and "children

Mai, there are 4 elements that need to be represented in your opening statement. You neglected to mention that you will also be discussing what sort of punishment you believe should be given to children to help them learn right from wrong. A proper opening statement sample is as follows:

It is an accepted fact that children need to know when they are doing something right or something wrong. There is a strong belief that the lessons need to be reinforced with a punishment in order to help the children remember what they did wrong. In this essay, I will be discussing my opinion of the topic and what sort of punishment I believe is necessary to prevent the child from making the same mistake in the future.

It is important that you pay attention to fully developing your opening statement because this is the first scoring element of the essay. If you increase your score to the maximum in the task accuracy portion, you will be able to gain better consideration for any shortcomings that you may have in the other paragraphs. If you can prove that you understand the requirements of the essay, then the rest of the elements should be scored considerably better than if you had a low TA score.

Do not indicate your position on the issue within the opening paragraph. Stating your position requires you to present a discussion explaining that stand. Which is why it is always advised that you place that opinion in a separate paragraph within the essay. The opinion paragraph is your chance to prove that you have the GRA to express yourself in English and also, be understood by others. Stating your position in the opening statement defeats that purpose.

Always leave some time during the practice test to review and edit your essay. I saw a number of typographical errors and missing punctuation marks in your current work. That will cause a mark down on your part because you did not do well in the Grammar Accuracy range.

Your conclusion is good, but should have been divided into at least 3 sentences in order to meet the minimum sentence requirement which also helps to increase the task accuracy score.

... is essential for children,. In addition, ...

... learn about morality,. Additionally, ...

("In addition" and "Additionally" are used at the beginning of a sentence, and they should be separated from the previous sentence.)

InOn the other hand, (...) and he can learn by themselves.

Thank you all for helping me, I've just started to practice on IELTS task 2 and it seems to be difficult for me. By the way, if it could be marked, how much will I get? I expect to get at least 6.0 for writing so practice more maybe the right way for me