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Good friends are as valuable as pearls in life; TOEFL essay


vahid11 2 / 5 1  
Feb 28, 2015   #1
Do you agree or disagree : "Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people "

Good friends are as valuable as pearls in life. I have two close friends at the university which I have known them for more than three years. One of them; Mahdi, is very clever, intelligent, and genius and he is also very kind to me. Although I know him as one of my close friend, I can never truth him since he sometimes tells some lies to me. Conversely, Ali; the other friend of mine, he is not ingenious but I believe in his integrity and honestly so I can always count on him. In my point of view one of the most important considerations in a friendship is to be honest so that you can rely on him, you can have a real hearty relationship and you can count him as friend who indeed have other valuable characteristics needed for a friendship.

One of the most important aspects in a friendship is to be honest so that you can rely on eachother. Suppose you have a close friend who is so kind to you and he is clever too. As you know he may tells lies, you can not believe him. Why is that? You do not know when he tells the truth and when he lies. It is very clear when someone is not honest with you, you can not count on him or her. On the contrary, when someone is honest with you, your relation is beyond friendship, then. For instance, For me, Ali (who is honest to me), is not only my close friend, he is as one of my family members.

Another key point that shows the importance of honesty in a relationship is that it brings in more intimacy among friends. For example when I know that a friend of mine is so truthful to me, I can talk about my problems with him and share idea. You always feel comfort beside a honest person. You will have no doubt about him. Liars are always suspicious of eachother.

Without doubt another evidence that shows telling the truth is the most important factors in a relationship is that honest people have most other essential characteristics for friendship. According to recent researches by scientists, honest people are also among the most kind, sympathetic, and even more creative people.

All in all I have the point that if my friend, Mahdi was honest to me, he was a complete person and turns to one of the best friend I have ever had in my whole life. In this way we could have more intimacy relation and I could rely on him in my whole life.

Zihni92 3 / 8  
Feb 28, 2015   #2
Hi vahid,
I found some mistakes in your essay,

One of them; Mahdi(,) is very clever, intelligent, and genius and he is also very kind to me.

Could you tell me, why you use comma after the name? I think, it will be better if I write S + V

One of the most important aspects in a friendship is to be honest so that you can rely on eachother .

a : i think you should use the as you have mentioned before
eachother: each other

As you know he may tells lies, you can not believe him.
It is very clear when someone is not honest with you, you can not count on him or her.
For instance, For me, Ali (who is honest to me), is not only my close friend, he is as one of my family members.

may tells: may + verb bare infinitive right ?
can not: cannot
For: after comma not use capital letter

You always feel comfort beside a honest person.

a: you should use an if the next word begins with a vowel sound, even if the letter is not a vowel

CMIIW
OP vahid11 2 / 5 1  
Feb 28, 2015   #3
Thanks a lot. I accept all of your editions. Thanks a lot.
itzamo 1 / 2  
Mar 2, 2015   #4
Para 1: I think you can introduce the relation you want to give an example in this essay as friendship. Though it is understood, you can state it.

Para 2: It would be good to indicate how honesty works well in friendship.
Para 3: You can give the comparison between your 2 friends.
Para 4: The reason how you qualify their friendship
Para 2 & 3 just need some modification and in my opinion can be concised.
Para 4: Can be conclusion based on your example, scientific research and your opinion once again stated.

Additionally there are some cosmetic errors in grammar, verbs spelling which you can do a correction on word.

Cheers,
Arun
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 3, 2015   #5
Prompt

Do you agree or disagree : "Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people "

Another key point that shows the importance of honesty in a relationship is that it brings in more intimacy among friends.

Strking backward to your prompt.I am afraid that this may not in linearly related. Based on your prompt, you are required to explain do you agree or disagree with the issue attached.

According to recent researches by scientists, honest people are also among the most kind, sympathetic, and even more creative people.

Attaching example by research evidence would beautify your essay but it should be scientific. State the source of research, who do conduct, where it occurs, and what the statistical result says. Without these sort of things, this can categorize as the common sense, the judgement derived without study and unfortunately this will decay your essay.


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