Hi all, I really need some advice for my TOEFL essay, cause that my test just next week.
Any suggestion such as structure, vocabulary, transition etc...all of these will be okay, I would really appreciate your help!
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Q: Agree or Disagree, a leader should have strong opinions and should not change his/he opinions.
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I agree with the statement. I think a good leader should have a strong opinion and should not change his opinions. Below are three reasons to support my claim.
To begin with, I believe that a great leader will think comprehensively before he conveys his opinions and views instead of changing the words what he said after he put his words out. For example, if a company is going to make a mobile app, the leader of the group needs to prepare a lot of data and appropriate strategies for the project, then group member can follow the plan and complete a perfect program. Thus, a successful product will always be made by a group that have strong strategies and views, all of these decisions making is a job of the leader.
For another reason, I think that a powerful leader should have a careful personality, so that his partners can trust every decision what he made and regard his words in their minds. For instance, if a leader always says his opinions without thinking and changing all the time, it represents that the leader isn't a careful person, and he might lead a group to the wrong way and will let a project to fail in the end. Therefore, to become a good leader, thinking in a careful way can enable the leader not to give the wrong opinions to his parters and consequently achieve the goal.
Last but not least, I would argue that to being a group of the leader, he should take responsibility for his group. Take myself for the example, one time I ran a project at my company, the leader of the project just quitted suddenly during the process. As a result, my project failed at the end and because of the fail, I was kicked out of the company.
In sum, I firmly believe that a good leader should have a strong opinion and shouldn't change their words after they made a decision. Giving strong opinions can always show the personality of a good leader and can enable the project to approach successful.
Hi Youe, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope this is just a start of a great partnership, we strive to provide you with the most accurate and straight forward criticism in order for you to create an even stronger essay. Having said that, as I go through your essay, I notice a few linking verbs, plus- minus, meaning, some sentences are missing them, some just have too much of them that is not needed in the essay.
Moreover, the presentation of the essay is also quiet crowded, the paragraphs are way over what is needed for the essay, you can minimize this by making sure that the group of ideas you input in the essay are the necessary ones that should be included in the essay. Trim your essay down to 3 paragraphs, this way you will have a solid presentation of ideas and a more readable essay too.
I hope the insights helped and for future writing reference, in a TOEFL writing, maintain a formal approach of the essay. It is also necessary that you manage the argument in a way that it depicts the right state of ideas you want to portray in your essay
