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IELTS:Good members of society - Who's Responsible?


vananhnguyen 2 / 5  
Jul 22, 2013   #1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Please check for me. I always appreciate for you enthusiasm.

People have many different views about the role of school and parents in building a good manner for the young generation. For many, it is considered that this duty totally belongs to people who gave birth to them, meanwhile, others argue for the responsibility of educated organisations.

First of all, school is the first place where children obtain formal education, including knowledge about nature as well as culture and researching skills. Pupils are taught how to learn the alphabet in phonetic sound form and write simple sentences right in the primary school. More importantly, what I absolutely want to emphasize is that children stand many chances of not only approaching exact theories about surroundings but also broading their mind in the school. In addition to studying, the expanse of teaching non-accademic subjects such as sports, dance, painting also has a remarkable contribution in the physical and mental development of the young. Music and drawing competitions in all types of schools would be striking examples worth mentioning.

On the other hand, parents are the prior teacher for their sons and daughters. They keep in touch with their offspring everyday so that children's behaviours are virtually controlled to be right for moral standards in society, from learning how to greet someone to establish habits of daily life. As can be seen from the modern life, a considerable number of children fell into social evils as a consequence of the lack of parents' nurture.

In the final analysis, I strongly stress that it is extremely essential to balance the role of parents and school in teaching children the way of becoming a good citizen in society.
USNAGoal 2 / 7 1  
Jul 22, 2013   #2
You have a good amount of grammar and spelling issues to fix. I will help you with some of them now.
- Organizations
Also in this line: First of all, school is the first place where children obtain formal education, including knowledge about nature as well as culture and researching skills.

Change to: First of all, school is the place where children FIRST obtain a formal education, including knowledge about nature, culture and researching skills.

Chance this line: Pupils are taught how to learn the alphabet in phonetic sound form and write simple sentences right in the primary school.
To something like this: Pupils are taught in primary schools to learn the alphabet through phonetic sound and writing simple sentences.

Recheck your grammar and then post again and I will reread and help you out.

- Flakah
ldlsky03 8 / 16 2  
Jul 23, 2013   #3
researching skills

research skills

what I absolutely want to emphasize is that children stand many chances of not only approaching exact theories about surroundings
It would make your essays more academic.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Aug 3, 2013   #4
For many, it is considered that this duty totally belongs to people who gavegive birth to them, meanwhile, others argue for the responsibility of educated organisations.

... keep it in present tense. ...
educational organizations ... educated person ---------- now you get the difference!
What is your opinion? You need to mention that in the introduction.
Try to write simple, yet interesting sentences.


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