Please help me with my writing task 2
Topic: Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.
Discuss both views and gives your opinion.
Many people argue that sharing information in scientific studies, business and academic areas is necessary in modern life. However, others believe that free information should be available to certain extent. Both opinions give out the advantages but I personally agree with the latter one.
There are several explanations for the benefit of free materials. Firstly, if the basic academic knowledge was not spread out over the world and passed down to younger generations, many meaningful inventions were not come up with. For example, theories related to friction are known as fundamental application in building transportation. Secondly, the freedom of information helps people address the problems more quickly. When people encounter an issue, searching for solution online would enable them to take advice and lessons only if the knowledge about previous similar case was shared publicly.
However, it is true that not all the information in terms of science, business and academic world should be freely available. The case of knowledge about weapons and nuclear power exemplifies for this perspective. If such secrete information was leaked out to every citizen, the number of serious criminal and terrorists would increase exponentially and unstoppable. Moreover, researchers, scientists, idea creators living on the payment from their intelligent works will be harm if all these invisible materials are free. They will no longer have motivation and health to conduct research as they have to find other jobs which help them get by.
In conclusion, freely accessing to academic, business and scientific information fosters the development of society in a certain way but it also brings undeniable drawbacks. Hence, the knowledge should be treated rationally, certain types of information need to be preserved as confidential.
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There is a missing paragraph in this 5 paragraph essay presentation. You forgot to present your personal opinion in reference to a comparison of the 2 public points of view. While your reasoning is sound and somewhat acceptable, you do not really present a well developed line of reasoning. That is because the paragraphs focus on the public points of view, without a reference to your personal opinion in one of these two forms:
- A personal opinion that gives an idea of what you think of each point of view within the relevant paragraph
- A personal opinion of view that represents the opinion that you actually support in the discussion.
There was no sentence or paragraph that presented your point of view. Believe it or not, you have to use the first person pronoun in this essay. It is a requirement. It is the only way to clearly indicate that you are presenting a personal opinion as opposed to presenting the public point of view through the 2nd or 3rd person pronouns. Always review the instructions just when you think you are done writing. Double check the instructions against your presentation to ensure that you did not miss a discussion point as you did in this essay.
Contrary to public opinion, simply saying that you agree with a certain point of view, without justifying your support for that point of view is useless. It is always the accompanying explanation that the examiner is looking for to complete your opinion. Therefore, you must present that information either as an opinion relating to each point of view or, as an opinion that supports a specific point of view. Explanations and examples are required.
I can see your biggiest mistake is you didn't identify which noun is countable, which noun is uncountable. These mistakes are made by carelessness. Be careful next time
... available to (a) certain extent.
... known as fundamental applications
... similar cases was shared publicly.
for this perspective.
... number of serious criminals ...