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<TOEFL> Is it good to have students employed?


icarusfly 1 / -  
Jul 11, 2013   #1
Please review and assess my TOEFL essay. I will appreciate any comments!

It is commonly known that in many parts of the world where studies can not be afforded easily by the younger population, students are allowed and even encouraged to work while pursuing studies at universities or college. This situation raises the question whether it is desirable for them to do so. As far as I am concerned, I would contend that working while studying can be beneficial in several ways.

One of the most important consideration is that students can procure practical experiences if they have a study-related job. This can help them not only prepare their career but also develop future competency. Also, more and more companies give advantages to those who have work-experiences as a internship when they employ new staffs. In my case, for example, I worked for the Samsung corporation as a part-timer for about a year when I was in the fourth grade. Even though my current job is not related to the company, the experiences that I had from there and some skills such as MS-EXCEL and presentation are still useful in my currnet workplace.

In the same order of ideas, working while studying can create a sense of independence. Many cases are known in which students have to study away from home and may lack the financial support from their parents or other patrons. These teenagers may seek opportunities to find certain part-time jobs that can give them the freedom and autonomy to pay for their own tuition as well as to take extra-curricular activities that can enhance their performance in the line of studies they are pursuing.

In conclusion, it is beneficial for students to work as I have mentioned above. We must keep in mind that having a wise perspective on this issue will make our lives more enriched and meaningful in the long run.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 11, 2013   #2
It is commonly known that in many parts of the world where studies can not be afforded easily by the younger population, students are allowed and even encouraged to work while pursuing studies at universities or college.

... Well, this sentence looks pretty long and had you broken up to a few sentences, if would have been more effective;
It is commonly known that studies are a very costly affair in many countries, especially the tertiary education.Therefore in most of the countries, the students are encouraged to work whild pursuing their studies.

One of the most important consideration is that students can procuregain practical experiences if they have a study-related job.

This can help them not onlyto prepare for their career but also develop future competency.competencies for their future careers.
rozha 15 / 34  
Jul 11, 2013   #3
my currnet work place ..my current work place ;)


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