Hi EF,
I am now in an IELTS course and writing is my most weakness.
I read a similar thread in Working Children however it was closed. I would like to post my production and hopefully to get your feed back on it.
Thanks so much.
Topic: In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while some others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Getting involved in a paid work among children is a debated issue in many countries today. Some people oppose strongly with this idea as it may affect the normal development of children while others claim that this could bring children a plenty of benefits for their future career. From my point of view, I believe that taking a paid job may do children more good than harm for several reasons.
The first and most important point is that children who involve in a job will be much independent and responsible than those who do not work. Undoubtedly, children have the conscious of earning money seriously by their own effort to cover their education tuition and personal expense. Moreover, as the job's demand, children would certainly be in charge of specific tasks with a proper deadline and outcome. Thereafter, children have to try their best to take responsibility for their tasks given by the boss. That is the way for them to be more mature than their peer.
Secondly, children who involve in working would possible accumulate much more life experience than their friends. The jobs require children different skills to deal effectively with their tasks such as time, relationship or conflict management. These skills promise them a good preparation for the future career. Additionally, these busy children would probably have a wide circle of friends than their peers. These relationships may become their comparative advantage for them in all walks of life ahead.
Despite these benefits, some people oppose strongly this trend. They say that a paid work may do harm on children's academic results because the time and the concentration for learning is stolen by the job. Admittedly, it is true in some extent but doing a job brings about more valuable skills which can help children boost up their learning achievement. Thanks to the time management or organizing skill, children who work can arrange their time better, digest new knowledge better. As the result, a good performance on study will surely be much improved.
From all reasons above, I strongly believe that a paid job would certainly benefit children in many aspects. However, children should be advised to choose a suitable job which can do those tiny workers more good than harm. Additionally, adults should pay more attention to their children to make sure that their beloved babies are on the right track of balance between working and learning.
Haivan Nguyen
This is great!! I think it can be better if you get a little more specific in the intro instead of just writing "for several reasons." List the reasons you are about to explain!
Despite these benefits, some people strongly oppose this trend.
Great last paragraph! You write well, I don't know why you say it is your weakness!
I think you should talk a little about how, in developing nations where people live in poverty, the children have to work to help the family survive. The real problem is poverty, lack of opportunity. The answer is not to say it is not okay for kids to work; instead, we need to empower people in developing nations to have more opportunities, so their kids don't have to do unhealthy work.
As for children who get part-time jobs while going to school and not living in poverty, good for them!! Working is learning.
Great essay!!
