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IELTS Task 2: Is it a good thing for young people to hold the important positions in the government?

cv47522 1 / -  
Nov 8, 2018   #1

young leaders in the government

Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing while others argue that it is not suitable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

There are more and more young workers doing important work in the government. Although I agree that youngsters are not suitable to hold influential jobs, such as leaders and managers, I believe that this trend is great for the society.

There are several benefits for young managers to lead a team. For example, they are young enough to have more energy than older ones to achieve their goals and potential. Working long hours does not seem difficult for these younger leaders. As a result, they can spend much more time concentrating on their projects and have better memory to analyse statistics. Young people also know more about how to involve technology into their work, which makes their work more efficient. They use social networking websites, such as Facebook and Instagram, to promote government's policy rather than traditional paper advertisements which cannot spread as quickly and widely as the Internet.

On the other hand, young labours are more likely to be impatient about the boring process of their work. This may sometimes lead to misunderstanding if they do not spend enough time on explanation. By contrast, older workers seem to be more loyal to their organisation and have more experience in their career. They know not only how to solve the problems they face in a quicker way but also how to better deal with the relationship between colleagues and managers.

In conclusion, while I agree that it is a stable choice that elderly people hole the important jobs in the government, I believe that young leaders can create new things easily because they are more likely to think creatively.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,617 2512  
Nov 9, 2018   #2
@cv47522 when you are asked to discuss 2 points of view plus a personal opinion, you are tasked to create a 3 paragraph reasoning essay that focuses on the public discussion firt, your personal opinion last. That means this a 5 paragraph essay that does not focus on a singular point of view as you currently present. Remember, this is being based on the public opinion, which is represented by the phrases "Some people" and "others", with instructions pointing you in the 2 public point of view discussion first with the instruction "Discuss both these views" then having it ask you to "give your opinion". With this explanation given, it should be obvious to you that your paraphrasing is incorrect. The correct instruction sentence paraphrase is," It is important that I consider both opinions before creating my personal insight into the discussion." This version of the paraphrase clearly follows the instructions from the original prompt and also, outlines your upcoming discussion format.

Don't forget to use opinion representations in your discussion paragraphs to indicate which point of view is being presented. n this instance, you could opt to use the key phrases:

The group that supports this opinion does so because,,,

While the opposing faction believes...

Considering both sides, I would like to opine that...

Clearly indicating the opinion being discusses as part of the topic sentence presentation of each reasoning paragraph will help you present a clearer discussion, which increased your C&C scoring potential.

Now, while the reasons you presented are clear and good, these are all coming from a singular point of view which is the opposite of what the prompt is asking you to do. While this shows me that you understand the topic and that you have good reasons for the discussion, altering the prompt discussion requirement could lead you to receive a failing score for this essay. Always stay on track with the discussion to increase your TA score.

Remember to double check the prompt discussion instruction before you submit the paper to be sure that you did not create a discussion that does not address the requirements. You forgot to do that this time, which is why you wrote an essay that doesn't follow the instructions. I don't need to tell you what the results of not following the instructions can be right?

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