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The goverment should reduce the amount of money spent on local environment problems

ALDI 1 / 2  
Jul 10, 2016   #1
This is the first time i applying in essay forum. please, help me. :-)

The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environment problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threatening issues such as global warming.

to what extant do you agree?

Generally, the environment was very important because in there we can stay and live. good environment could be effected from our life style. It is good into mental, physical, and mind. The government try to repair and save with the money of country. the are efforts tried by the government. therefore, that is all just for people country.

Most people have opinions about it and not few people think the government was not consistent and commitment. They just concern with their selves. They can do something just for them selves. For example, reducing the amount of money. It can enrich someone in government area. But nothing like that, not a lot people too thinking the government is already doing the best they can do. Everyone they do something from government should be for the society.

They think if they can reduce the amount of money, it is can be saving the environment, everyone knows the environment could be saved when the government royal with money of country into repairing facilities, and etc. If every government can save and take hold priority for citizens. There are not be many corruptions in government area. it is become global warming in the world.

In conclusion, i do not agree with reducing the amount of money inasmuch as that can affect money of country. but if the government do reduce the amount of money, the must be thinking about citizens economic. The government should understand about saving money of country. there was important because money of country was the point in some countries that "grow up a country"
ilankelo21 36 / 41 22  
Jul 11, 2016   #2
First, I greatly welcome to you to decide join this forum as a way of improving your writing skills. With regard to your essay, I notice many aspects to be fixed. Firstly, you need to bear in mind that notion or idea discussed in introduction is supposed to be presented in present time. Besides, you need to be familiar with punctuation and all its rules like after dot (.) it must be followed by capital letters. Also, as the question prompt requires you to choose between agree or disagree, a clear state of your position is a must. Finally, you need to arrange your idea well when it comes to second and third body paragraph so as to not confuse someone reading your essay. There are various patterns you can use to deal with second and third body paragraph and deeply exploration to any website providing ielts materials like IELTS advantage or IELTS Simon is required to do. Thank you, break a leg!!
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 15, 2016   #3
Hi Aldi, I can see that you have gathered a very comprehensive feedback from one of EssayForum members and contributors. I hope you find their feedback are helpful for your writing development, especially in IELTS writing task 2. I do agree with all the feedback that have been delivered by them. Your essay was lack of tenses consistency. You need to be consistent in determining what kind of tenses that you are going to use. This would make your essay runs smoothly and you will possibly earn a high score in coherence and cohesion part.

Another tips related to how to get a high score in IELTS writing is that you are suggested to use some synonyms in order to avoid repetition. However, using synonyms can be dangerous if you cannot use it in an appropriate place, and consider the collocation. I have several tips that I got from one of the recommended websites that have been mentioned by Ilham above. (IELTSadvantage.com, I did simplify some of the tips by paraphrasing it to make it easy to understand)

- You are suggested to only change the word that you are 100% sure the meanings are the same.
- If you change it, the grammar must also be correct
- Be particularly careful with the keywords from the question
- If you can't think of a synonym, better explain it briefly by your own words
- If you are unsure, don't change it. It is better to be repetitive and correct rather than forcing a synonym and be wrong.

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