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IELTS: Goverment should write laws for using vehicles and everybody should follow them


ruhi 1 / 2  
Jul 12, 2010   #1
hi editor, I'm a new member
could you give me feedback,please ?

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as
many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.
Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws
introduced to control car ownership and use.
What are your views?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with
examples and relevant evidence....

In today's world,there are a lot of vehicles in roads.Most of them are harmful to the environment.This problem should be solved soon.

First of all,vehicles cause air pollution because their exhaust release harmful gas to the outdoor.The gas can cause cancer,asthma and many diseases.Therefore,using vehicles like a car should be limited and the vehicles should be designed to give you less damage to the environment.

Moreover,the vehicles cause noise pollution.For example,in traffic,most people honk the horn because they don't want to hold on road.I think that people don't use the horn unless necessary.Also,engines of vehicles make sound and nobody wants to hear that sound.

People should find alternative forms of transportation which is less harmful.Alternatively,they can ride a bicycle.It isn't harmful to the environment.Also,bicycle encourages people to make sport.Therefore,I use bicycle for transportation.Another alternative,they can use public transportation vehicles.In this way,using vehicles can transport a lot of people despite that personal vehicles like a car can transport only 5 people.If you use public transportation vehicles ,you save energy,money and environment.

To sum up,in the light of this information it is important that people aware of this issue and goverment should write laws for using vehicles and on everybody should follow them.
vrajveer89 8 / 21  
Jul 12, 2010   #2
Hi Furkan!

First of all, I believe your essay is expected to be structured in paragraphs. And a smooth flow between the paragraphs will be appreciated. Also, there are a few grammatical mistakes.

there are a lot of vehicles in roads.

there are a lot of vehicles on the roads

vehicles cause air pollution because their exhaust release harmful gas to the outdoor

vehicles cause air pollution because they release harmful gasesinto the surroundings/atmosphere

The gas can cause ...

These gases can cause ...

vehicles should be designed to give you less damage to the environment

vehicles should be designed such that the damage to the environment is reduced

they don't want to hold on road.

they don't want to be held up on the road

I think that people don't use the horn unless necessary.

This statement is unnecessary

forms of transportation which is less harmful

alternative forms of transportation which are less harmful

Also,bicycle encourages people to make sport.

I don't understand this statement. If you mean you can have a bicycle race, then it is possible even with other forms of transport. It doesn't strengthen your cause.

using vehicles can transport a lot of people despite that personal vehicles like a car can transport only 5 people.

public transport vehicles can accommodate a lot of people while personal vehicles like a car can transport only 5 people.

To sum up,in the light of this information it is important that people aware of this issue and goverment should write laws for using vehicles and on everybody should follow them.

To sum up,in the light of this information it is important that people are aware of this issue and thegovernment should write laws for using vehicles and on everybody should follow them.

---------

As such, you have summed up the points concerned with the cons of the increased vehicle usage. But your introduction and the conclusion are pretty weak. It is better to introduce your topic in a context - say based on some quote or some personal experience.

Also, you have talked about your views about increase in the vehicle usage but very little about the government enforcement in this regard.

Try to work on these points and lets see what you come up with!

Cheers

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EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 14, 2010   #3
Here is a revision...
I think that people shouldn't use the horn unless it is necessary. Also, engines of vehicles make a sound that nobody wants to hear.

I think Rajveer made great corrections. Are you able to understand them and use them as you make revisions? The next step is for you to apply the corrections and write a new draft. We can help you keep improving...

:-)
OP ruhi 1 / 2  
Jul 27, 2010   #4
thank you kevin,thank you rajver thanks a lot...you are right..i understand your comments and i know what should i do..by the way,yesterday i wrote a new writing...could you give me feedback again :D
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 28, 2010   #5
Sure, just post your new draft here! :-)


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