Goverments should pay more money to improve and build effective railway system

Goverments should spend money on railways rather roads. Agree or disagree?

Nowadays, government focus on improving quality of life which has brought a lot benefit for citizens, such as education, health care and transportation. Some people believe that the authorities should spend money on building railways rather than building road. This essay will argue why building railways is entirely necessary instead of roads.

Building roads has become increasingly unpopular for many years because of some risks of roads. Most of people have to suffer from the traffic jams everyday to go to the office or go to school. In rush hour, traffic jams is not stranger on key routes such as Cong Hoa, Truong Chinh, etc. which makes us become tired after the hour on the road and then we have to go to work. Moreover, amount of transportation has been increasingly become day by day which become endanger to the environment. The more transportations are on the road, the more emissions increase. These few instances have bolstered decision of government about building roads is completely preposterous.

Because of some risks of spending money on roads, people believe that spending money on improving railways is entirely necessary. In many developed countries such as Japan and China, they spend a lot of money on developing the railway system therefore their daily commute is not only effective but also safe. For example, if people travel by train, people will have time to relax, to read some news or listen to music which make them feel comfortable before we arrive the office and start their jobs. Moreover, travel by train can reduce the amount of air pollution that help decrease the greenhouse effect. Overall, the idea that spending money on railways is more useful than roads is entirely justified, because of the advantages of building railways.

This essay argued that government should pay more money to improve and build more railway which lead to develop quality of life and economic. In my opinion, building railways is an absolute imperative despite its high cost.

The writer has totally disregarded the discussion format for this essay. The response was supposed to respond to the question, "to what extent do you agree or disagree ?". The writer created his own discussion topic based on "railways are more necessary than roads". As such, the task accuracy of the essay is now unrelated to the discussion provided. The topic slant and reasoning requirements have changed and do not reflect the original concerns anymore. The essay has received a failing score even before the full scoring assessment could be applied. Even though the reasoning paragraphs relate to the original topic in away, the previous inaccuracies may have made it difficult for the writer to each a passing score.

The writer basically provided a thesis statement without first answering the qquestion. That in where the restatement error , response inaccuracy, and format confusion stems from.

Hi @ngocbich1204,
Because you wrote that building railways is more necessary than building roads in your introduction, you should have list the reasons and points to support your opinion. In other words, you should have focus on the advantages of building railways instead of the disadvantages of building roads in your first body paragraph. Your second body paragraph meets the requirement but I think your point and reasons are not quite convincing. You believe that " if people travel by train, people will have time to relax, to read some news or listen to music..."but I would argue that people can do so even when using road public transportation such as buses. Using buses can also save the environment too.

I hope my feedback is useful to you. Have a good day !