Reza, work on further developing your essay on a per paragraph basis. While you present some very solid and informative ideas regarding your stand on the issue, the true value of what you have to say is not seen due to the extremely short paragraphs you used. This made the essay suffer from proper content development and therefore made the essay seemed to be written in a rush. There was no concern from your end about ensuring that you would be able to present your reasons in an acceptable and evidence supported light.
First of all, there is no doubt that governments are liable for providing societies with appropriate public services and adequate facilities in an efficient way. Admittedly, no one should suffer from any sort of deficiency in field of health, education, transportation and communication. However, these could only help individuals with their physical requirements. There is also a burden on the government to highly concern about the people mental health initiatives which would be unconsciously or sensibly provided by the arts.
- This paragraph alone can be developed further by discussing the two reasons within as stand alone paragraphs in support of your stand. Do not waste the opportunity to share your knowledge with others. Always develop your ideas and properly support these with personal experience of research that you know of. This will help to get your essay a better grade as well.