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IELTS 2: The government should allocate more money to the public transportation system like railways


ruru0318 1 / -  
Jul 18, 2021   #1

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads

.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


In the highly developed age, the railways play an important role in the human world. It is a symbol of safety, people need it in everyday life. Overall, the railways provide safe and sustainable transportation worldwide. Inevitably, this level of safety comes with an appropriate cost to maintain it. Cost is one of the keypoint for railways' safety. I strongly agree that government should make up the budget for railways to enhance safety and convenience. There are some reasons to support the statement.

First of all, It is convenient for people to take the railways. If they need to transfer to another city, the railway would be the first choice. As they have time to take a nap or have a meal on the train trip. Therefore, the government should raise the money to improve the train service. Another reason is that the railways are public transportation with a complicated automatic system, compared with roads, it takes much effort and money to keep security measures steady. In order to improve people's standards of living and convenience, it is necessary to hire more professionals and operators to run the function effectively. Otherwise, if there was something wrong with the railway system, it would be likely cause massive disaster.

Take it for an example, in 2018, there was a train accident that happened in Taiwan, caused 300 people injured and 18 death. The reason is that the ATP brake was broken while the authorities did not fix it in time. More than that, in 2021, Taroko train was hit by a truck unexpectedly then crashed into pieces. Because the authorities ignored to protect the facility and train tracks. They should hire staff to take care of the tracks in case of off-tracks.

In summary, the government should allocate more money to the public transportation system like railway instead of roads, It is mandatory to care about the public profits like railways safety. I believe the government could take the responsibility to fulfill the obligations.(333 words)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,946 3854  
Jul 19, 2021   #2
The writer has not followed the simple prompt restatement instruction as provided for the task 2 essay. He began an actual discussion in this section which led to an inaccurate topic restatement. This is also the reason why the essay is over-discussed and using too many words.

The reasoning paragraphs tend to ramble on with sometimes unrelated points. These cause problems in scoring the cohesiveness and coherence of the presentation. Cohesiveness refers to how well the topics relate to one another in the paragraphs. Coherence refers to how clearly the topic relationships are explained. These requirements are not seen in there paragraphs.

The writer is not yet familiar with important English writing wells. The conjunction " because" cannot be used to start sentences as the ward is a subject or idea connector. It is used in the middle to connect what would otherwise be 2 seperated but related sentence ideas.
Nadeleine 2 / 2 1  
Jul 21, 2021   #3
The first paragraph was over-discussed as you mentioned too much about benefits of railways
And you should also mention road in the opening as the statement require "rather" but not only about railways.
vikedarliyasi 2 / 4  
Jul 22, 2021   #4
Great writing! But it is still not perfect. I totally agree with the comments above. Fighting!


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