Hi, help me with the feedback please. I have written this essay in timed manner of 30 minutes as in GRE.
Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
"Equality is for all" we have been taught this thing since our childhood and I think that the same truism implies on the government too governing a particular country. The claim above states that the government must ensure the financial support for their major cities because of the reason that it is in these cities only that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. I agree with this claim but I believe that the government's role should be more towards the development of the whole country as a whole and not be biased.
Culture and tradition both comes from the history and somewhere it has been lost or modified in the dust of modern lifestyle. To get the feel of real culture and tradition , I would suggest go to the minor cities or villages of a country where you will get to learn more about the culture of the nation and forgotten traditions. Consider the capital of a country considered to be a major city , one will get to see a new lifestyle and a modern technology instead of the ancient culture like Delhi the capital of India. But when it comes to learn about Indian culture and tradition, people would prefer to visit villages and minor cities like neglected areas of Rajasthan , Madhya Pradesh and other states. These are the places where one would get to see the real tradition and culture which is still being followed in these places. Thus the claim of investing in major cities sounds vague to me because these cities being developed already and have less of tradition and culture as compared to real culture seen in minor cities.
Moreover, metropolitan cities mostly constitute the major population and well developed facilities whereas the small cities sometimes get neglected and is seen as the "black spot" in the high fashion oriented lifestyle of the major cities. The major cities already developed that much to ensure the facilities and services they needed whereas the minor cities may be striving for the fundamental need. Thus I believe that instead of the major cities, the government should invest more in the minor cities so that they also get a chance to develop and deface that black spot from the country. This would not only lead to upliftment of the society but would lead to more economy for the country too thus more financial support for the country.
Furthermore, it is possible that there may be some cultural monuments or places in major cities but as it is being already developed, then it might obviate the need of more investment . On the other hand small cities with the real tradition may be lacking in finances thus, may lead to destruction of the ancient culture preserved there. In addition to this, it is possible that the minor cities being neglected could have hordes of traditional sites or artifacts which may be undiscovered yet,thus, the government should invest more in these cities to discover the hidden facts and to preserve the culture being established in these places.
In a nutshell, though major cities may be the best when it comes to luxury, tourism or comfort but it may be still lacking behind the real tradition and culture found in minor cities or villages. Thus the government should invest more in minor cities so that they could preserve the real culture and tradition of the nation which is not being modified by the modern lifestyle of the major cities.
Hi, Your essay seems like it could be better organized. Your first and third paragraphs address the "reason" in the prompt, while the second paragraph addresses the "claim". I am not really familiar with the best way to structure a response to this type of essay prompt, but I would think separating the reason and claim in two paragraphs, or combining them in each paragraph would be better. Below please see my suggestions for your grammar and word usage.
