IELTS: Importance of Arts
Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree with this view?
Government budget over art is argued by a few as waste of money. At the same time, some advice to redirect the share of the spending to other programs. I totally disagree with this point of view. This essay will prove it by using arguments and evidences.
The advocates of arts have believed that art has always been associated with culture and heritage of a civilization. Different art forms like classical dance, folk dance, classical music, paintings are the epitome of dated events and mythology of a society. Often this builds one's pride for his nation. It is said that Tamil society in India is so proud of its culture that despite being part of a majority Hindi speaking nation, it has kept its identity intact by working towards the support and upliftment of their art forms. Thus, art has always been a binding factor for any ancient culture.
Another reason to support art is the revenue it generates for the economy by means of tourism. Historically, cities with most number of art galleries and monuments with beautiful designs attract most number of travelers. Louvre Museum in Paris as well as the galleries full of surreal art in Vatican is the dream destinations in everyone's "must visit list before you die". Tourists' foot-falls generates jobs in Hotel industries and at the same time augments to a nation's gross domestic product.
After discussing these benefits, we can safely conclude that allocating money for art will actually help generate revenue back to the economy as well as it will be beneficial to a society's identity for the generation to come.
About your introduction part, I'm afraid that you forgot to outline what you are going to write specifically, which is very important. You have to tell clearly what is your 2 reasons are. Also, you have to write clear your thesis statement. You say " I totally disagree with this point of view.". Which point of view? You mention both and now you just say something in general which the examiners dont want.
I think your response to the question is missing. In the first supporting para, you dont mention anything about why the government should fund art. You just say, I think, why art is so important. Therefore, your essay isnt persuasive.
Also, you cannot start the conclusion like that. You ought to use words like "In conclusion" or "In short" to conclude your writing.
I am just an IELTS learner, I hope my advice can help you a little!
Rites, congratulations in writing a precise prompt paraphrase and including a properly framed extent response as your response to the question. It was well written even though it is still a little grammatically incorrect. The fact that you were cohesive and coherent in the Task Accuracy presentation will boost your score for sure.
Your inter-connected reasoning and discussions in the reasoning paragraphs work very well based on the outline discussion that the original prompt provided. It is strong in terms of presentation and provides an understanding of your intermediate English writing skills. However, your second reasoning paragraph contains a run-on sentence in the third paragraph. Remember, you will score better for short, but well worded and discussed sentences. Only one or two supporting examples would have sufficed in that sentence with a period separating the identity discussion. It would have created more complex sentence presentations in the process.
Your concluding summary is also impressive. You created an uncommon concluding presentation as you did not use the memorized phrases for the opening sentence. This will certainly increase your GRA score as well. There is one exception to this though. You forgot to include the 2 sides that the topic was all about. You went directly to repeating your opinion instead. Remember, you always need to present a reverse paraphrase in that part of the essay presentation.
Thank you for your review.
Thank you. I was eagerly waiting for you review.
- I will try to rephrase the run-on sentences to complex or compound ones for the scores.
- Regarding "You forgot to include the 2 sides that the topic was all about." Do you mean that I should have put in few lines for "...and that this money could be better spent elsewhere" ?
Yes. A reverse paraphrase represents the new discussion that was created by your reasoning paragraphs, based on the provided prompt. The discussion should have a topic sentence that reminds the reader of the topic for discussion. It should then provide the reason for the discussion based on the original prompt reasons. Then 2 sentences representing reasoning paragraphs you wrote. Finally, a closing sentence is created to end the essay discussion. No new reasoning should be provided so that the essay will be closed instead of open ended. You missed out on the reminder of the 2 discussion reasons as provided in the original prompt which is why this version of the closing summary is incomplete in representation. You are doing a recap of the discussion so all the important elements if the discussion should be presented again in a short form.