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[TOEFL] government budget focus, young children or university?


philossophia 1 / -  
Aug 16, 2011   #1
For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than universities?

"Education is the investment in our future", as Senator Bernie Sanders once pointed out, education, which fosters a civilized society, plays a significant role in a country's long-lasting prosperity. It is no wonder that governments throughout the world lay special emphasis on education development. As for the two integral components within the system, elementary and advanced education, there's no doubt that a government is supposed to offer sufficient financial support for both.

Concerning that elementary education, like the base of a architecture, is the fundamental requirement to be a qualified citizen in today's society, government should guarantee that all people have equal and convenient access to it. So a lack of well-established primary education goes hand in hand with a high rate of illiteracy, and this interplay seriously compromises a country's future development. In other words, if countries, especially the developing countries, are determined to take off, one of the key points governments should set on agenda is to educate more qualified future citizens through elementary education.

That's not enough, for higher education, which represent the cutting edge of a country's academic achievements, act as the vanguard in economic and social advance. The high technology and new ideas applied into practice may not only lead a country to flourish but also elevate its status in the international community. Some may argue that universities can support themselve well by donation or invention, but this argument is invalid. Researches into humanities and art still need large amount of money, what's more, government's big budget on universities may attract more excellent intellectuals and researchers into the country and enjoy a higher reputation worldwide.

From reasons listed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that, a government should spare effort on young children education as well as universities, both are crucial on the way to a brighter future.

ps: Can this kind of topic be written in a middle way?
Is there any inappropriate word phrasing? Would you offer any suggestions?

Auguste 4 / 11  
Aug 16, 2011   #2
Your essay is really nice.
I don't think you have to deliver the last paragraph like that, it seems a little institutionalized.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Aug 29, 2011   #3
I'll offer a few suggestions here:

"Education is the investment in our future." As Senator Bernie Sanders once pointed out, education, which fosters a civilized society, plays a significant role in a country's long-lasting prosperity.

Concerning that Elementary education, like the base of a architecture structure, is the fundamental requirement for citizens in today's society, so government should guarantee that all people have equal and convenient access to it.

That's not enough, because higher education, which represent the cutting edge of a country's academic achievements, acts as the vanguard in economic and social advance.

Here I will remove a comma and add the word "because":
From reasons listed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that a government should spare effort on young children education as well as universities, because both are crucial on the way to a brighter future.

:-)
Mai Chu 14 / 17 1  
Aug 29, 2011   #4
That's not enough, for higher education, which represents the cutting edge of a country's academic achievements.

Your reasons are quite convinced me, but I am not sure about the structure of your essay. And is it possible to support both elementary and university education???
abc1400 17 / 32  
Sep 1, 2011   #5
Your essay is prefect but you didn't indent your paragraphs so it it is very hard to read your essay.


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