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US government to cease funding the NASA


canyouhelpme 2 / 8  
Nov 20, 2012   #1
If is the best interest of the US government to cease funding the National Aeronautic and Space Administration (NASA). The cost of a federal agency like NASA a gargantuan, and the returns on the investment are limited. Funding could be better allocated to dealing with pressing social problems, such as homelessness and poverty. Develop a response to the claim in which you discuss whether or not agree with it. Focus especially on the most powerful or compelling examples that could be used to refute your position.

Request for full review. Look for overall idea, sentence structure, punctuation. Do I add any more details. Is there any contradictory ideas or statements ??

funding the National Aeronautic and Space Administration (NASA)



Beyond doubt, the issue to homelessness and poverty are important and should be taken with utmost importance. However, personally, I disagree with the assertion that decrease in funding of NASA and concentrating more on issues like homelessness and poverty, would be the best interest to the government. This opinion is based on the ideas such as innovation by NASA; supporting young innovator in their research; and providing job to a large number and supporting poor.

First, NASA has implemented a number of innovative ideas which has created good business that cannot be overlooked. During 19th century NASA was the first organization in the world to send a manned spacecraft to moon. Even though, one might question the importance of sending spacecraft to moon compared to the benefits from poverty and other important issues, it might be shortsightedness to dismiss the benefits this program has given for the years. Currently, NASA is earning 3 billion dollars business just by helping other nations prepare for the manned spacecraft to moon. This brings foreign currency in US which in turn does benefit the nation. To add, NASA is indirectly supporting poverty by creating job. Hence, dismissing the benefits of NASA would affect the nation financially and also in fighting poverty and joblessness.

In addition to innovative ideas, NASA has supported young research fellows to conduct experiment in space, who have given solution for difficult problems. It is a dream come true for the researchers who get a chance to work in NASA as this will boost their practical knowledge in space. This research conducted by young genius has developed outstanding ideas like medicines to fight cancer and HVI. Not supporting will decrease these research programs which would also force these research people to choose a different field of study. Thus, this would lead to fewer innovators and would also leave the unsolved problems in the world.

Finally, alongside the issue of innovation and young innovators, NASA has employed two lakhs people and benefited many by financial support. Apart from taking NASA as a funding sink, we must also look into the other side where NASA has created job and is home for a number of people. Also, every year NASA is one of the biggest recruiters from engineering and medical schools. Not just that, NASA has even started programs by sponsoring students at a very young age to get involved with their areas of interest, thereby giving poor a chance to study. Thus, the idea of negating funds given to NASA as a bad return on investment would not have looked into the others areas like financial support given by NASA.

My consideration of the issue of decrease in funding NASA has explored factors such as innovation, a place for innovators, and employment and financial support. These considerations led me to disagree with the blanket statement that decrease in funding NASA would be beneficial to the government. I do agree that poverty and homelessness are very important issues but decrease in funds to an organization like NASA should not be a solution to the other problems.
esther3095 2 / 14  
Nov 21, 2012   #2
I get exactly where your essay is going and what your stance is, which is really good.
There were a lot of small grammatical mistakes in it though so you might want to re-read it or have someone help you with it.

For example: It is a dream come true for the researchers who get a chance to work in NASA as this will boost their practical knowledge of space.

There were also a few run on sentences, but other than that your sentences looked fine.
OP canyouhelpme 2 / 8  
Nov 21, 2012   #3
Thanks esther. Could you point out more mistakes as this would be really helpful ?
OP canyouhelpme 2 / 8  
Nov 21, 2012   #4
Also, request other to review my essay
Shirley0426007 6 / 13  
Nov 21, 2012   #5
1.This research conducted by young genius has developed outstanding ideas like medicines to fight cancer and HVI .(I think you want to write "HIV")

2.Apart from taking NASA as a funding sink, we must also look into the other side where NASA has created job and is home for a number of people (This sentence has grammar problem.)

3. I do agree that poverty and homelessness are very important issues but decrease in funds to an organization like NASA should not be a solution to the other problems . (Why you use "to the other" many times?)

Your essay has good structure, and I support your idea.
OP canyouhelpme 2 / 8  
Nov 21, 2012   #6
Not sure what is the problem for the below sentence.

2.Apart from taking NASA as ... (This sentence has grammar problem.)

3. ... like NASA should not be a solution to the other problems. (Why you use "to the other" many times?)

Corrected : I do agree that poverty and homelessness are very important issues but decrease in funding to an organization like NASA should not be a proper solution.
Shirley0426007 6 / 13  
Nov 21, 2012   #7
I am sorry for my mistake:
"Apart from taking NASA as a funding sink, we must also look into the other side where NASA has created job and is home for a number of people"

This sentence is right. I am really sorry.
OP canyouhelpme 2 / 8  
Nov 21, 2012   #8
Thanks a lot. Are there any other corrections ? What should be the length of the TOEFL essay?
esther3095 2 / 14  
Nov 21, 2012   #9
Yeah
There were a few like

1.)Beyond doubt, the issue of homelessness and poverty are important and should be taken with utmost importance.

2.)First, NASA has implemented a number of innovative ideas which have created good business that cannot be overlooked.

3.)To add, NASA is indirectly supporting poverty by creating jobs

4.) we must also look into the other side where NASA has created jobs

5.)involved with their areas of interest, thereby giving the poor a chance to study

There was a run on sentence near the ending paragraphs too, but I can't seem to find it at the moment.

Hope this helped a little bit more


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