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'government is in charge' - equal numbers of male and female students


minaf 3 / 10 3  
Jan 9, 2014   #1
i would really appreciate you if you say your idea about my essay and guess my score at IELTS! This is what i write in a limited time.

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It goes without saying that the discrimination between girls and boys has led to university subjects. This is to say that, many majors have been eliminated for the girls to study at universities. However, recently there is a widespread belief that both genders must have the equal right in studying what they are eager for. This essay will argue the reasons of my strong agreement with this belief.

One of the factors which deserves my attention for this reasoning is that the females' right , in this society, is ignored whereas It is declared that girls must have the same right as boys. A good illustration of this is education. Indeed females do not have chance to study some majors , Electricity, for instance, while they may have as much talent and interest as males. It is believed that the culture has resulted in this issue which , undoubtedly, should be revised in this modern society.

An instinct factor that should not be neglected is that just giving chance to females to get graduated in eliminated subjects is not adequate, they should be guaranteed by job opportunities. To be more precise, in spite of giving the girls their own right to study what they are into , some career opportunities should be created so as to pave the not only girls', but also boys' way to soar to the peak of success.

All in all, There are a lot of debates over the mentioned issue. Nevertheless this is the government who is in charge of doing what is best. It would be practical if some actions are put into practice in order to alter the culture from elementary schools. In this way ,possibly, many our problems may fade.

Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jan 9, 2014   #2
It goes without saying that the discrimination between girls and boys has led to university subjects.

This is not a good hook. It does not deliver your idea clearly;
It goes without saying that gender discrimination is unfair.

This is to say that, many majors have been eliminated for the girls to study at universities.

.... grammar errors.... pay more attention to your grammar;
It is obvious that the girls have been restricted to follow many major courses at the universities.

This essay will argue the reasons of my strong agreement with this belief.

It is good to conclude your introduction with a clear statement that expresses your position on the argument.


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