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Toefl;Government should definitely spend money in improving transportation services


Poojasugandhi 18 / 35  
Nov 15, 2009   #1
Hi, I am preparing for the toefl ibt and need help for the writing section.
Please give your feedback so as to get good score.
Thanks.

"Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation. Use specific reasons to support your details".

Government should definitely spend more money in improving transportation services. Although, many people argue that improving road conditions would reduce accident rates, but in my opinion improved transportation services would be advantageous to general public. Good transportation would provide better living condition, income to the government and more job options in the country.

First of all, improvement in transportation would lead to improved living condition in the country. Cars and other motor bikes make use of fuel energies like gas, diesel etc. This causes emission of carbon mono oxide in the atmosphere and results in air pollution. This would affect general health of the public. Furthermore, more traffic causes more traffic jam and noise pollution and more accidents. Improved transportation would encourage more people to make use of it, and thus reduces the risk of accidents and provide an healthy environment to live.

Second, transportation would increase income for the government. By improving roads government would spend money on it, and does not get anything in return. However, by increasing number of buses, trains and other services would allow government to raise its income by collecting fares. This income could be better utilized by the government in other development methods.

Third ,better transportation services leads to increase in job opportunities. Increased transportation services would provide services such as drivers, managers, maintenance jobs and so on. This would causes employment option for people in different areas. Thus more career option for general public. Therefore a general up liftment in the society.

All in all, improved transportation services would be beneficial to the general public by providing healthier environment, improve funds for the government as well as create more job option to the public.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Nov 17, 2009   #2
From the great, great work that margarita and rmli did, I can see that you have to work on a few minor things, like...

If you start a sentence with "Although," you do not need to use "but."
Although, many people argue that improving road conditions would reduce accident rates, but in my...

Also, rmli changed your ending to say "job offers," but you could also use the word "option" like you originally wanted to. You can write: All in all, improved transportation services would be beneficial to the general public by providing a healthier environment, improving funds for the government, and as well as create creating more job options for the public.

Above, I showed you the same thing the others showed: when you list several things, keep the verb forms consistent. In tis case, each item ends in ing. I hope that helps you to improve your skill!!


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