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IELTS TASK 2: should government encourage some businesses to move from cities to rural areas?

Steven Ho 1 / 1  
Jun 8, 2021   #1


Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and government should encourage some businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Does advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that traffic and accommodation problems riddled with endless struggles and mistakes are experiencing a trend of escalating inexorably. It is suggested that government should encourage some businesses to leave densely populated areas and start their new enterprises in less crowded areas. I, however, strongly believe that the potential advantages do not overweigh the disadvantages because of concern about productivity and efficiency.

Moving to the rural areas is tantamount to new shifts in discovering a distinctive and fruitful market in order to offer a chance for the marketing and promotion. Clearly, when expanding horizons, companies tend to leave their own safe zones and have valuable opportunities to sell products, exchange empirical knowledge and upgrade their reputations among certain areas. Additionally, there will be a substantial triumph in industries and economics if enterprises succeed in advertising their products. Chief among these, it ensures the cooperation of communities as more people realize that not all businesses are run with the sole purpose of making as much profit as possible for their owners. As a result, it would form an intimate connector between city dwellers and residents in countryside, thus leading to satisfaction and long-lasting compromising.

Notwithstanding, leaving their own home and hiding apart from issues in traffic and accommodation to settle down businesses in less densely populated areas could not be perceived as a plausible method because government should lavish more insights and reverences on tackling the current problems. Firstly, not all companies should be encouraged to relocate. Tobacco companies epitomize their harmful products pointing at consumers so introducing these types of companies to the press not only create more troubles but also deteriorate general living standard. Secondly, when there is a vast majority of businesses move to the countryside, it will be rapidly industrialized and ended up crowded areas. Again, there would be traffic and accommodation problems in countryside rather the old cities that had been abandoned by their government. Thirdly, it is not the matter of the rural areas' features compared to the threats in pollution. To be more specific, changing locations is inextricably tied to concomitant waste discharged from some companies catering human needs such as agricultural pesticides.

In conclusion, moving to the rural areas may be a great initiative in some cases, but it needs foremost consideration from all possible aspects.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,876 3553  
Jun 9, 2021   #2
Your first paragraph sentence does not make any sense as a topic restatement. It is confusing for an ENL to read as there is no way to understand the meaning of the sentence. Keep it simple. Don't just use advanced words that do not apply to the presentation. You will get a failing mark when your essay has no sense of logic and understanding.

less crowded areas

These are not the same as rural areas, also known as provinces, regions, prefectures...

potential advantages do not overweigh the disadvantages

What reference point led to this opinion? Lead into this with a starting reference from the original discussion. This is another sentence that lacks clarity.

because of concern about productivity and efficiency.

At least you have solid and clear thesis statement references. Good job!

You tend to focus more on vocabulary usage and word count rather than clear content writing and everyday English word usage. You do not score better when writing wordy essays that do not apply itself to a simple writing task. This is just an opinion paper, not a thesis or dissertation meant for peer review. Concentrate on making the reader understand a simple opinion based on simple reasons. That is how you get a better overall score. Your current presentation has so many errors ranging from TA to GRA that I am not confident about your final score.
OP Steven Ho 1 / 1  
Jun 9, 2021   #3
Thanks you for your wholehearted help. I will try my best to improve my skills, especially the CC task.

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