Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

GOVERNMENT SHOULD FOCUSMORE ON PREVENTIVE HEALTH


muktimukti 1 / 1  
Dec 18, 2011   #1
I WOULD DEFINITELY SAY AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT. AS THEY SAYING GOES PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE .THE GOVERNMENT NEED TO INCREASE THE BUGDET GIVEN alllocated to preventitive health .for disesase to be eracted they is need to set up educational camapign in both the rural and urban areas when this done it will help educating illetrate understand and help them to keep a better hygene which in turn prevrnt them from disease.setting up advertisemsnt on tv statio on how to leave a healthy life woula slso help.

twilista 3 / 13  
Dec 18, 2011   #2
Never start an essay by saying "I would definitely say agree with this statement". You want to hook the reader, not directly answer the question as though you're engaging in a conversation with someone. There are also numerous grammar and spelling mistakes that can easily be fixed with spell check. In all honesty, I'd definitely read this over in order to catch all the mistakes since the mistakes should be easy to catch by anyone. The sentences aren't coherent and it's really hard to understand what you're trying to convey. Also, the prompt is a very debatable statement, and your facts/statements aren't strong enough to support your thesis. Yes, an education campaign would help and educate the "illetrate", but I feel as though it's not a strong enough point to make. Tell the reader WHY the government should focus more on preventive health, not what they could do. It's very important to understand what the prompt is asking.

hope i helped and please don't think I was being too harsh! :)
OP muktimukti 1 / 1  
Dec 18, 2011   #3
thanks a lot i would re-write my essay and please when i do please do help me check my mistakes


Home / Writing Feedback / GOVERNMENT SHOULD FOCUSMORE ON PREVENTIVE HEALTH