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IELTS Task 2: Government fundings on art & culture or not. Discuss both views + give your opinion

plumnailpaint 1 / -  
May 13, 2019   #1

cultural activities and their preservation

Whether the government of a nation should be a patronage to cultural activities and preservation is a heated debate topic on a global scale. Both arguments provide valid points for their belief which will be discussed thoroughly in this essay.

Cultural values serve as the backbone of a country. Without rich customs and delightful traditions, a nation loses its identity and homogeneity, afterwards, it will gradually convert into an unknown land with soulless inhabitants wandering around. Beside bringing in an in-negligible source of income, culture owns an irreplaceable place in people's mental welfare, therefore, the government's fund for cultural conservation should be viewed as necessary.

Moving on to the opposite side's argument, financial aids for cultural diversity and preservation can be allocated to more urgent matters on hand, such as upgrading medical and training facilities. While education and healthcare directly affect on the future of a country as well as honorable moral values in a society, carnivals and conservation projects aim at celebrating and entertaining rather than tackling with fundamental needs. For instance. instead of funding a 3-day festival with flamboyant costumes and extra activities , the government should use that resource for hospital re-innovations, which will make a much more positive impact on citizens' quality of life.

From my perspective, I believe in whatever context, things should strike a balance in order to create harmony. The same idea applies to the government's fundings on a variety of subjects, that no aspect of a society should be excluded, however, the financial support must be proportionate to the issue in consideration.

As outlined above, funding cultural preservation, while started in good faith, can lead to other implications in the big picture. Hence, governments around the globe should take action for a both diverse and dynamic world in the long run.

Maria [Contributor] - / 274 137  
May 14, 2019   #2
Try creating more concise lines to help you shorten your language. Doing this will immensely help you in optimizing the space that you have in your essay. If you can accomplish this, you'll have more space for useful content.

Let's revise a few points in your essay in accordance.

There are heated debates on the government's patronage to cultural activities and preservation. [...]

Cultural values are the backbone of a country. Without rich customs and traditions, a nation loses its identity; this can cause the land to be unknown and homogeneous. In addition to bringing income, culture is an irreplaceable asset for people's welfare. Therefore, the government should work on funding its conservation.

Notice how adding additional details will help you tailor-fit your essay further. Doing this will ensure that you incorporate only the necessary details to your essay.

In addition to this, I have also observed that you have a tendency to prolong sentences unnaturally. Try to always mix up the lengths of your sentences to have more dynamism in your writing.

For instance, in your third paragraph, I would have revised a few portions as:

On the other hand, finances allocated for cultural preservation should instead be put into urgent concerns in medical and educational facilities. Cultural projects aim to celebrate and entertain rather than tackling the fundamental needs; conversely, prioritized sectors would improve the quality of life of the citizens in the long-term.

Notice how shifting around the phrasing of your words will immensely help you determine the priorities that you should have for your essay. Doing this can create a strategic format to build a more appropriate outline that will have more direction for your writing.

Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck!

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Government fundings on art & culture or not. Discuss both views + give your opinion