Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS Task 2: The Government Should Handle The Obesity Problem

daveandrei 14 / 8 5  
Nov 30, 2015   #1
Obesity is now a major global epidemic. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

Nowadays, many people live with obesity not only adults but also children. Obesity is a problem which have to be solved together because it has become a global epidemic. I completely believe that this case should be public notice that its solution must be thought seriously.

There is no doubt that in this modern era people live in busy activity and a sophisticated technology has helped directly someone to do something easily so that people will live with sedentary and unhealthy lifestyle. A sedentary lifestyle is like sitting down continually in front of the computer, watching television in a long time and so on. Moreover, because of people always wanting to move quickly, they often consume fast food every time. Consuming fast food also emerge as obesity problem which becomes an unhealthy lifestyle. These lifestyles affect people health. Many diseases are caused from the unhealthy habits.

Actually, many things can be done to resolve the obesity case. Firstly, people have to start living with healthy habits. People should aware with their health because the obesity does not give many advantages. They can start to avoid consuming a fast food and doing a physical exercise. They must realize that fast food offers many disadvantages for their health: heart disease, diabetic, cholesterol, high blood pressure, cirrhosis and even cancer. Secondly, a good habit must be taught from early ages. Parents and school have a responsibility for children habits. They have to teach children how to live in healthy lifestyle such as asking for physical activity continually, preparing a healthy food for children in their home or school and giving a suggestion about which a good or bad habit.

Thirdly, the government also confer a way to solve an obesity problem. The government should arrange some rule for food industries and fast food restaurants like making food standards for every fast food, restricting operational fast food restaurant's time just until evening and making the rule for fast food advertisement. If the government give responsibility for this case, it can be resolved immediately.

To sum up, there are many ways to solve an obesity problem. If the solution is thought together, the figure of living in obesity can be pressured and many people have to aware with this issue.
Arundyna 12 / 16 2  
Dec 1, 2015   #2
halo deva,
i fount little mistakes in your essay,
i rewrite in the first paragraph

Obesity is a problem which have has to be solved together ...

In this bygone era, most of the people have extremely problems with obesity, it could appear not only adults but also children, this illness has to solve by entire society as it causes a dire consequence through globalization.

next,, its your opinion, so i just encourage you to create two options of argument, it will add your score

... sophisticated technology has helped directly directing someone to do something easily(,) it is importance in academic writing so that people will live with THE sedentary and unhealthy lifestyle.

... in a long time and so on doing unhealthy activities.

overall, you could write well, good
sinanju 2 / 2  
Dec 1, 2015   #3
hi daveandrei
I myself have a suggestion for your introduction:
It is no surprise to say that nowadays not only adults but also children live with obesity which has become a hazardous global epidemic. Without a doubt, I believe that such issue should be receiving high public exposure to quickly find out effective measures.

Hopefully it would help

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: The Government Should Handle The Obesity Problem