[TOEFL]Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
Any comments or suggestions are welcomed. Thanks in advance!
To satisfy the needs of the development of our society, some people argue that governments should invest more money in the infrastructure, while some advocate that more money should be spent on improving public transportation. Personally, I am convinced that good public transportation plays a bigger role in the modern society for the following reasons.
Needless to say, the development of our society is largely at the expense of the environment. However, a city with good public transportation will markedly decrease various pollution. For example, if a city has a well-established and convenient transportation network, then most people will undoubtedly choose public transportation over driving their own cars due to lower cost and higher efficiency when they want to go out. In that way, fewer tail gas will be emitted because there are fewer cars on the roads. Furthermore, with more and more people becoming environmentally conscious, tendency to use public transportation instead of driving private cars will be popular among them, which will dramatically decrease the air pollution and restrict gas emission. As a result, building an efficient transportation network is particularly crucial for the whole world to reverse the growth of the greenhouse effect.
What's more, a city with good public transportation will make people's lives safer. For example, most car accidents result from over-crowded traffic condition, drunk driving or delinquencies. Supposing a city has an efficient public transportation, most people will probably choose to take buses or trains, as opposed to driving themselves, when they want to dine out or participate in a party as they do not have to worry about drunk driving. Consequently, they can better enjoy their lives and meantime, fewer tragedies will happen on the road.
Based on the argument mentioned above, I have come to the conclusion that government should spend more money on public transportation. After all, a well-designed public transportation network will not only make people's lives safer but also make the environment better. Therefore, I call on the government to increase the investment into the public transportation.
Matt, I would like to deliver my feedback in the detailed descriptions below. I hope this would be helpful towards your writing development in the next practice or even in the real TOEFL test. Therefore, I would like to point out some of your weaknesses in order to make you able to strengthen it in the next essay practice.
- You need to know that in academic essay like this, over-using personal pronouns (we, our, you, I, us) is not recommended. This would make the essay looks less formal. Let me show you how to alter the usage of personal pronoun and make it more academically. "To satisfy the needs of the development of ourthe society in Beijing ," I would like to also add that your essay was lack of real example. You are suggested to state clearly what kind of city that you're talking about. What is the name of the city? By specifying the example, you can make the examiner or reader has a good imaginary situation about the city that you're talking about. I suggest to use one of the well-known cities in the world.
- Contractions should also be avoided. Some parts of your essay were still using one of them, for instance, "What'sWhat is more, a city with good public...". This contraction will make your essay becomes less formal. Thus, you need to be careful in the next practice or in the real TOEFL test.
