... since some methods are still likely more effective like , cooking creating by a hand-made in the home, and encouraging citizen through the advertisement.
...creating by a hand-made... , you can just said cook or serve meals instead of using those phrase
Recently, by consuming junk food excessively ...
... people tend to be addicted into those foods.
For example, mothers should persuadeattract their children to stay away withfrom junk food by creating thea variety of foods.
... influence of mass media through a well-advertisement really affect ...
... 55% Canadian experienced problems with obesity, but decreased by 35% in 2007 through advertisement influence.
... by involving the whole of stakeholders in school.
Government justis able to give awareness ...
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Hi Rahmat Fadhil!
Your essay is quite clear just get some work how the government can encourage people to a better eating habits in paragraph 2. In addition, you still have to explain in some condition which support the idea of increasing tax rate. it would be a great idea to discourage people to buy a junk food, by increase the price of it.
good luck!