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The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education.


Harry06 1 / 1  
Jul 27, 2022   #1

funding arts or education?



It is a common belief that government support for the arts should be cut back to increase funding for education. I completely agree with this view for the following reasons.

To begin with, money spent on education is barely enough. Most schools in developing and underdeveloped countries are either poorly equipped or equipped with dilapidated facilities. This slows down students' study progress as they cannot approach school subjects properly. Take students in Nigeria as an example, the majority of students there have no access to computers and internet connection. This limits children's opportunities to learn IT, which requires at least a set of computers.

On top of that, while education is a necessity, art is rather a luxury. Although it is argued that artworks serve to educate people about the culture, history, and heritage of a country and also act as landmarks or talking points for visitors and tourists, their importance is incomparable to that of education. Ensuring the quality of education at all levels is essential to produce professionals who can serve the nation better, playing an important role in the development of a country. However, if art is a nation's top priority, they will only receive temporary benefits from visitors and tourists, which are an unstable source of income.

To conclude, although education plays a vital role in the progress of a country, funding for education is rather low. For these reasons, I firmly believe that higher amounts of money should be spent on education instead of the arts.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4249  
Jul 28, 2022   #2
The writer has done a very good job in discussing his supporting opinion points. The reasons provided are sound and well explained to the reader. The examiner will take note of this and apply the correct C+C score to the reasoning sections.However, the C+C will be slightly limited in scoring range because of 2 reasons:

1. The prompt restatement was delivered clearly. However, the personal opinion does not offer the summary of supporting reasons. This resulted in only a partly clear opinion presentation. The subjects for the opinion should be indicated as a part of the opinion statement at all times.

2. The concluding summary forgot to indicate a reasoning restatement. The restatement would have helped the essay meet the minimum 40 word count for the reverse paraphrase section at the end.

Not worry though, the essay will still get a passing score, just not as high as it could have been.
OP Harry06 1 / 1  
Jul 28, 2022   #3
@Holt
Thanks for the reply. Do you have any comment on my language? Is it natural and academic enough for an Ielts test?
I'm not a native writer and I'm preparing for Ielts.
Iloveielts 8 / 16 1  
Jul 30, 2022   #4
The essay lacks of cohesion since you use very few conjunctions. This affects your cohesion and cohesive point. In the 1st paragraph, every sentence seems to have no connection with each other: ...connection. As a result, this limits children's ... This is an example. The 2nd paragraph lacks the evidence, specifically the example. You know, the higher the band, the more focus you need to pay on task response and cohesive, however the 2nd is the same as 1st, every sentence does not support each other, they just beat around the bust and not consolidate. Try to have a logic idea before writing
Jared26 1 / 2  
Aug 2, 2022   #5
@Harry06
You need to use more conjunctions. Also, I can see that you didn't outline ideas and supporting ideas properly.


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