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The government ought to prioritize railways as the primary sector to receive funds rather than roads

zahranatsir 5 / 11  
Jul 27, 2018   #1

The government should spend money on railways rather than roads.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A growing number of people say that the government ought to prioritize railways as the primary sector to receive funds rather than highway. I completely agree with this statement due to its efficiency in time and environmental reason.

Investing in a modern railways system mean that allowing people to travel in greater dinstances in a shorter amount of time. Because the passanger do not have to deal with the traffic congestion which is mostly faced by the highway users. Thus, people will spend less time commuting and more time in doing something more productive. For instance, the local government of South Sulawesi province in Indonesia has begun to construct a railway for trains to connect its capital city (Makassar City) and Parepare city. As a result, the existence of the future trains will diminish commuting time by half and enable thousands of citizens in Parepare to work in the capital city of South Sulawesi province.

Regarding to the environment effect, the trains tend to be less harmful than road vehicles. This is due to the fact that its wide capacity can carry hundreds of passangers and this obviously will prevent the use of road transportation which is widely known as the most carbon dioxide contributors on earth. Hence, once it is happened, the CO2 emissions will automatically be reduced. In other words, this will slower the global warming impact to our environment. For instance, the British government has now used high speed trains to connect one city to another. As a result, approximately hundreds of tonnes of carbon dioxide has been diminished.

To conclude, the policy maker in this case is the government should invest more public budget on railways systems and less on the highways as this will create a time-efficient and environmentally friendly mode of transportation system.

(299 words)

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,851 2636  
Jul 28, 2018   #2
Siti, I have several points for correction in your essay in this instance. To start, you must try to meet the minimum sentence requirement of 3 sentences in the opening and closing paragraphs in order to fully utilize your C&C as well as your GRA scoring potentials. Maximizing the fact that you can write coherent and well structured sentences within the 3-5 sentence format will always result in a score boost on your end. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise because that is a fact. My students have scored between 7 and 9 using that format in the actual test. Just look at the clarity difference in the opening statement when you write 3 sentences:

The government is seen to be constantly spending more money on road development. However, the government is also being encouraged to spend more money on railways instead. I tend to agree with this statement for 2 reasons.

Then, in your conclusion, using the same format:

Based on the aforementioned considerations, it is clear that there are positive effects to having the government spend more money on the development of railways. Environmental protection and allowing for transportation that carries more passengers over a greater distance to solve road congestion problems are two of the reasons that this should be done. That is why I completely agree with the suggestion that the government spend more money on railways instead of roads.

Keep in mind that the concluding summary is just a another form of the opening paraphrase, the only difference being that the discussion points you presented in support of your stance should be indicated in the closing remarks.

By the way the term is not "policy maker", a reference to a simple "the government policy in this case..." would have worked best. Also, try to avoid using connector words such as "because" at the start of sentences because it is not connecting 2 ideas in one sentence presentation in that instance.

Excellent work referring to your personal knowledge regarding road and railway development, as well as environmental results of using railways in other countries without having to refer to research in your statement. As a person who appears to be widely read, this type of writing is what will increase your scoring potential as you show that you are capable of presenting an understandable English based discussion to a native English speaker.

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