Please revise my essay. I really need feedback to improve my writing skill
I need your help immediately. This essay is very difficult to me. I feel sad while writing as essay.
I also spend around 50 minutes, which is not good for the essay exam next month.
could anyone assist me? Please tell me how to revise the essay.
Thank you a lot
The question is that
A government plans to build a new research center. Some want a center for business research. Other people want a center for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these two kinds of research centers do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer.
In my view, people have different opinions about a government's building a new research center. Some want to have a center for business research to create new entrepreneurs and the other need a center for agriculture to invent new vehicle to speed up the crop harvesting process. I prefer a second choice to produce brand-new and effective fertilizers.
People who are unemployed can have an opportunity to open their own business. Today it cannot be denied that most of the people who graduate from a university are out of the job. If attending the business courses such as handicrafts and electronics, they are encouraged to have their own business like a shop selling hand-made product and a store repairing electric appliances namely Television and Computer.
What 's more is that people who are a farmer can learn other ways to harvest rice to be sold to the rice mill on time. To illustrate, my uncle, John, has to collect four tons of rice to be sold to the rice mill every summer. He has only five days to do it; therefore, he goes to the agricultural research center to think about creating an electric-powered vehicle to reap rice. With this new invention, he is eventually able to sell rice to the rice mill.
More important, I want to learn how to use organic materials released by animals create a fertilizer to speed the growth of agricultural crops. I really want to save money spent on buying chemical fertilizers by finding other ways to produce a new fertilizer. Therefore, I go to the agricultural research center to search for materials and multimedia demonstrating how to produce a nature-based fertilizer. In the end, i am able to reduce farming expenses by using the organic fertilizer in the palm field.
In conclusion, that people use the research center for business or agriculture depends on their preference. One of them may think about a job to earn money for a living, and some who deal in family really want to increase income but reduce cost by creating innovative harvesters to boost their rice-reaping process, For me, I really want to speed up producing palm sold to a dealer when its price is very high.