Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

TOEFL:Government should regard investing in building roads as the most important


linh202 11 / 23  
Jul 8, 2011   #1
Hi everybody,
Could you help me to check my essay, please?

Should government spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

The population explosion results in the high demands of transportation. Many countries have suffered from pollution, noisy and casualty for a long time. From my perspective, the most possible solution to these problems is improving roads and highways because of three below crucial reasons.

First and foremost, we all know that upgrading public transportation will surely aggravate the pollution and accidents. The buses, cars and trains regularly emit a noxious gas which causes lots of fatal diseases such as lung cancer and pneumonia. Moreover, the sound emanates from the engines can worsen our hearing. Most importantly, there are many accidents happening on the roads. For example, in my country, buses are attributed to the cause of skyrocketing of accidents. Each year, Vietnam has approximately twelve thousand people die of accidents which is equivalent to the death toll of the tsunami in Japan.

Secondly, investing in roads and highways can broaden the area and allow more public transportation to work. Not only buses but also other personal vehicles can move easily on the roads. For instance, I always leave school at the time that everybody rushes into the roads and hastily goes home. It is extremely troublesome for me to escape from the crowd on the roads in only one hour. In contrast, if the roads are enlarged, everyone can go home in short time and there are hardly any collisions.

Last but not least, spending on renovating the highways and roads can improve the quality. All of us are afraid of moving on the rough roads with lots of portholes. Those bad conditions result in many terrible accidents and make several people feel worried. We should not accuse the drivers of causing accidents because a part of the responsibility belongs to the authorities. What's more, a smooth surface makes the transportation and movement become safer and easier.

In a nutshell, the advantages of upgrading the roads which I mentioned above are totally convincing and indispensable. I am usually inclined to this idea and I hope that the government will regard the investment in building roads as the most important thing.
Alisha123 9 / 18  
Jul 8, 2011   #2
hi,

intro is good but you should mention the other side of argument in ILETS essay.

instead if die you can write death rate...

instead if enlarged use broadened..

Overall the essay contains the brillant ideas

Thumbs up...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 9, 2011   #3
Whe you take the toefl, only use words you are sure you know how to use:

Many countries have suffered from pollution, noisy noise, and injuries for a long time because of automobiles.

From my perspective, the most possible solution to these problems is improving roads and highways because of three below crucial reasons.

Not only buses but also other personal vehicles can move easily on the roads.----Wow!! You have excellent command of English.

You did so well with this essay! Much of it is better than even the work of a professional writer.
OP linh202 11 / 23  
Jul 10, 2011   #4
Thanks EF_Kevin a lot!

Actually, i try to use some complicated words because I think Toefl writing is academic. Before using these words, I always look up in the dictionary to make sure that I will use them properly.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Jul 12, 2011   #5
Yes, that is a good idea. However, sometimes you can get the wrong idea easily if you rely on the dictionary.

Anyway, I think you are doing well.


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL:Government should regard investing in building roads as the most important