Hi everyone. Currently, I am practicing my writing SKILL for the upcoming IELTS test. I already took an IELTS test and got 6.0 while my goal is to reach 7.5. Need your help to review my essay and perhaps your opinions about what should I improve to reach band 7.5. Thanks in advance!
IELTS Writing Task 2 about environment
Some people say that protecting the environment is the government's responsibility. Others believe that every individual should be responsible for it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (source: ielts-blog.com)
There is an opinion that the government is completely responsible for maintaining the environment while others think it belongs to everyone. Both subjects have their own responsibility particularly to support the sustainable environment.
The government has greater possibility to arrange regulations and once it is ratified, every citizen must obey it. Having this rights, the government may contribute protecting the nature for broader impacts. To illustrate, the Indonesian government will charge 100 million rupiahs and punish for 5 years for those who capture and sell wildlife based on Act No. 5 1999. However, a rule is meaningless if people refuse to abide and unwilling to give a care for current environment condition. Therefore, individual's participation is also demanded.
Doing small things may yield great impacts together. In fact, the environment problem, such as plastic pollution, was made up by everyone's dependency to use plastic-made products in daily life. If we turn this habit into reducing or prevent single use plastic, slowly but sure, the plastic pollution volume may be reduced gradually. Even though the government has ruled this issue, however, it will not be succeed without each person's awareness in taking responsibility.
To conclude, to protect the environment, the government and citizen are not working separately. Each of them must have particular responsibilities and should work together in their own ways to maintain the environment.@carryceasy
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the forum for feedback! Best of luck in your endeavors.
Firstly, be cautious of small mistakes that are found throughout your writing. For instance, punctuation marks should consistently be carefully observed because they give way for a more fruitful writing pattern. This also enhances how formal your writing will be seen throughout. If you are able to maintain this decent level of formality, it would be better for your text overall.
When discussing the latter parts of your body, I think that you need to create a more enhanced focal point. For example, having a single trait/value/principle that you will utilize throughout the writing will help you appear a lot more integrated and streamlined, which is a critical part of writing regardless of how you look at it.
