Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people


jane_00 2 / 1  
Aug 9, 2022   #1
Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people, like the homeless and unemployed.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



In recent decades, it goes without saying that the ubiquity of needy people has become a topic of public interest. It is argued that some people propose not to misspend the state budget for overseas deprived people due to having the nation's underprivileged inhabitants. While there is some truth to this testament, I still gravitate towards the government coffers not only for natives but also abroad.

On the one hand, there are many compelling reasons why some advocate not diverting allowance to foreign aid. It is evident that some leaders place too much attention on outsiders, they tend to disregard their own impoverished ordinary people. Therefore, some residents, especially vagabonds and job seekers, do not want to lose their financial benefits and colossal grant to cosmopolitan funding organizations. Another justification is that it may be ineffective because they will not even witness whether this funding investment can speedily reach the poor's hands. It is due to the fact that some greedy people will want to profit from that money and make it their own in order to use it for personal or illegal purposes.

On the other hand, notwithstanding the aforementioned drawbacks of allotting the authority's money to worldwide assistance, I am convinced that the advantageous effects of this issue infinitely overshadow its disadvantages. Obviously, I would contend that the enthusiastic and generous support from an insignificant developing country, for example, Vietnam, will act as a precursor to international friendship and solidarity. In addition, our country will also acquire a reputation via a series of articles including on other countries' social media or daily news in order to raise the position to a new level. Another vindication is that this assistance will be conducive to strengthening national political security which plays an integral part in the career of maintaining long-term independence. For instance, great nations in terms of weapons, economics, science and technology such as America or Russia will come to our aid if a conflict breaks out.

In conclusion, while the proponents of not spending the administration's budget on worldwide support, I am convinced that we should take a broader and more open view of this.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,210 4317  
Aug 10, 2022   #2
There is no reference to a timeline within the original presentation. Therefore, including a timeline mention in the rewrite has caused an information inaccuracy for the presentation. The examiner is looking for an accurate representation of the original topic. That means all flowery sentences and exaggerations, including additional references must be avoided since these will be seen as writer introduced changes to the first version.

While the writer's opinion has a good basis, it fails to directly address the question provided. Therefore, the writer only has a thesis statement, but no opinion response. For this part of the paragraph, the writer should make sure to offer a response that will first offer the expected format and second, establish the supporting discussion reasons. When she does not do this, the writer's response does not meet the full scoring needs of the paragraph.

Regardless of the response format requirement, the one thing that does not change in an agree or disagree essay is the single opinion defense requirement. That means, the writer should focus on solidly explaining and convincing the examiner that his line of reasoning cannot be beaten. This is done by providing reasons that oppose his opinion, but then prove to have flaws when he discusses it, thus strenghtening his own point of view. The other method of discussion, is to simply used 2 strong reasons that will explain the validity of the writer's belief.

In this essay, the writer's belief was over presented in the second paragraph and yet, remained under discussed and developed due to the lack of a properly expanded discussion. Had she opted to not try to defend both sides of the discussion, she would have achieved the correct full response format for the task in the restatement, opinion, and reasoning paragraphs. All essays are single opinion in discussion unless it is an advantage v. disadvantage or benefits outweigh drawbacks discussion, in which case the discussion is generally comparative, without a writer's personal opinion statement.

Based on these considerations, it is clear that the writer has not met the passing requirements for the presentation. Even though the discussion is clear to the reader, his failure to address the discussion as required are what affected the points considerations.


Home / Writing Feedback / Government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people