Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS : government spend money on old buildings or new buildings. agree, disagee?


jennifer92 1 / 1  
Jan 12, 2011   #1
This my first essay in preparing for ielts. I really need to practice a lot of writing since writing is one of my weakness, moreover i have difficulty to find the synonym or formal word to write in essay. I want to obtain at least 6.5 score in writing.Hope you can give some feedbacks :)

thanks a lot!

[Topic]

Governments spend an enormous amount of money on renovations of old buildings in large cities. Some believe that this money is better be spent on building new houses and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

[Answer]
Nowadays, governments attempted to discharge the overwhelming fees to build new constructions in order to achieve a better living throughtout the year. Nonetheless, they have tendency to always focused on enhance many of construction instead of repairing the old facilities. There are some following reason which is government have to spend their money to renovate the old buildings.

Firstly, old buildings are seen as a neglected buildings in the middle of city. It is inevitable, some of the old buildings conditioncontinued to deteriorated moreover it become ruins which not able to seen in original form. Furthermore, living near the old buildings can become a hazardous place to live. To illustrate, some of the buildings have no longer to stand firmly in view of the fact that the building structure simply does not support it, therefore inhabitants who live in modern house surround it is really risky. Secondly, Apart from its unique architecture, the building also represent inheritance of the past times. Due to its historical, the old age buildings have more art values than modern buildings. Thirdly, the buildings have been stood in land thus government does not have to spent extra expenses to expand the area to build more constructions.

In contrast, in order to building new houses , government should have to harness the new lands for a new development. Although developing the road can help the inhabitants a lot , it really spend enormous amount of money to finish the development whereas the development of old building is more economical.

In conclusion, government have to conserve the old building first, after that they are able to take a good maintenence of the other development. Lastlly, with the old buildings existence, the young generation have respectful to old history.

(word count:291)

Paulaine07 1 / 2  
Jan 12, 2011   #2
Nowadays, governments you can use:countries or any other synonym because it's like repeating the what was asked.attemptedshould be in present tense:are attempting to discharge the overwhelming fees to buildfor buildingnew constructions in order to achieve a better living for its residents throught out the year. Nonetheless, they have tendency to always focused on enhance many of construction instead of repairing the old facilities.ThereHere are some following reasonswhywhichisdo governments have to spend their money to renovate the old buildings.

Firstly, old buildings are seen as a neglected buildings too redundant:try structures or establishmentsin the middle of citynot appropriate,i don't actually get what you are trying to convey. It is inevitable ,what is inevitable? The building being in the middle of the city or the deterioration of the buildings? some of the old buildings condition continued to deterioratedcontinues to deterioratemoreover it become ruins which not able to seen in original formmore and more each day that sooner or later it will all eventually turn into ruins. Furthermore, living near the old buildings can become a hazardous place to live . To illustrate ,(?) some of the buildings have no longer to stand firmly in view of the fact that the building structure simply does not support it ,You mean the foundation or the structure itself isn't strong? therefore inhabitants who live in modern houses surroundingit is really riskywould be put to risk as well. Secondly, apart from its unique architecture, thethese buildings also represents inheritance offrom the past times . Due to its historicalvalue, the old age buildings have more art valuesimpact on art than modern buildings. Thirdly, the buildings have been stood in land thus government does not have to spent extra expenses to expand the area to build more constructions. I don't get this part, sorry.

In contrast,to what? in order to buildingbuild new houses ,the government should have to harnessHARNESS : occupational surroundings or routineI don't think harness is the right word since it does not support any of the idea the new lands for a new development. Although developing the road can help the inhabitants a lot , it really spendit will cost a very enormous amount of money to finishthesuch development whereas thedevelopmentrenovation ofan old buildings is more economical.

In conclusion, the government havehas to conserve the old buildings first,before venturing to a whole new modern construction project. Lastly, with the old building's existence, the younger generation have respectful to old history.This sentence should be on the paragraph preceding this.

Hi, i advise you to organize more on your thoughts and choose appropriate words for your essays. To be honest, i was pretty confused on what you are trying to convey. You lack some important parts and your stand regarding the argument is unclear. Please practice more and ask for feedbacks. You can do it if you try. :)
OP jennifer92 1 / 1  
Jan 13, 2011   #3
Thanks for your advice. This is really helpful :)
i will try much to correct my mistakes and also choose appropriate words for my other essay writings..
Once again many thanks for your reply


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS : government spend money on old buildings or new buildings. agree, disagee?