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Government spending on the internet - is it the most appropriate use of money? IELTS task 2


huynhngocminh99 4 / 13 9  
Jul 19, 2016   #1
Topic: in many countries the governments spend a large amount of money on improving internet access, Why and do you think it is the most appropriate use of money?

All around the world, extraordinary sums of money are being spent by several governments in order to obtain high-quality internet access. Although I agree that such spending is beneficial to the residents, I still think that money should be diverted into other fields such as scientific research or infrastructure.

Investing on the internet is important because it helps improve people's satisfaction and promote e-commerce. People, especially the young, are frequent internet users, who will inevitably feel delighted to be able to check e-mails and surf the web at a greater speed, or chat video with their friends without any interruptions. Moreover, better internet access can have a good impact on e-commerce- an integral part of every country's economy. This is because improvements in internet increase the quality and quantity of online-shopping, attracting a considerable number of online customers.

As beneficial as the internet seems to be, there are still other aspects of life that the authority should take into serious consideration. So as to improve people's living standard, problems relating to transportation must be solved. Infrastructural investment, for example, is extremely necessary as it directly affects every individual in society, rather than just one part of it like the internet. Therefore, governments should pay more to build more highways, reduce traffic congestion and road accidents as well as improve public transport system. Spending more on science is worthwhile as it not only widens human's horizon but also leads to the invention of more advances and conveniences in life. Several scientists and researchers with great brains are calling for funding in their projects, in returns they can make significant contributions to society, and it should be the government's responsibility to help them.

In conclusion, although the internet is important, spending on improving transport system and helping carry out research is a more plausible option. By doing this, the government can improve both individual's life quality and the country's future prospect.

cod3r 1 / 2  
Jul 19, 2016   #2
Although I agree that such spending is beneficial to the residents, I still think that money should be diverted into other fields such as scientific research or infrastructure.

What should be established at the very outset is that spending on a resource like Internet is beneficial to the residents but money should be equally or greatly diverted into other fields such as scientific research or infrastructure of the country or tackling real world problems like poverty or public healthcare.

...helps improve people's satisfaction and promote e-commerce
&
.....better internet access can have a good impact on e-commerce-

In my personal opinion Internet has a much wider use case than e-commerce. E-commerce is just a minuscule part of the internet.
Better internet could mean
- free public wifi
- upcoming Internet of Things, where even an Air Conditioner can be on Internet
- better internet means more resource available online like encyclopedia (wikipedia) or tutorials accessible at easy
- internet in rural areas (provide weather predictions to farmers)

Therefore, governments should payspend more to build more highways, reduce traffic congestion and road accidents (It isn't clear how can government investment prevent road accidents)

Maybe you could talk about education, poverty etc etc

Thanks

Please checkout my topic as well : https://essayforum.com/writing/argument-accepting-government-funding-grandview-69548/
payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jul 19, 2016   #3
Hi, Here is my feedback:

The first paragraph and second paragraph can be merged. From the first paragraph, I understand that you believe that funding should be done in other important areas too. I was expecting why did you believed so in second paragraph But mentioned more about importance of internet spending. The first paragraph can rephrase why spending in internet is important and why you support spending in other sectors.

You can break the third paragraph into several points like infrastructure, health, education, research which will make your argument and essay strong.

Hope this helps!

Practice makes you perfect!
Thanks!
OP huynhngocminh99 4 / 13 9  
Jul 20, 2016   #4
cod3r thank you for your feedback.i really love the way you rewrite my opening paragraph and your creative contributions about uses of the internet. I have to admit that I missed many key sectors such as education, poverty ect. However, as time is limited in an ielts test and my essay is already more than 300words, I wonder if writing another paragraph in the body to mention such things is a good option. If i want to include those things in the third paragraph, how should I add it? Should I write one more sentence like this

Moreover, there are other critical problems in modern society that urgently requires governments to allocate their budget such as increasingly rate of poverty and degrading education quality.

With no supporting ideas, is it ok?

Thank you@ cod3r
madmoiselle 21 / 33 5  
Jul 20, 2016   #5
Hi, here are some suggestions :)

However, I still think that money should be diverted into other fields such as scientific research or infrastructure.

People, especially the young, are frequently using the internet users , whothey will inevitably feel delighted to be able to checking e-mails and surfing the web at a greaterhigh speed,

on e-commerce- which is an integral part of

increasing the quality and the quantity of online-shopping, and attracting a considerable number
annguyen 5 / 9 2  
Jul 20, 2016   #6
Hi Minh,

You have nice ideas to put in your essay! Here are my suggestion to improve your essay:
- extraordinary sums of money -> A large/massive/ huge sum of money
- Infrastructural investment, for example, is extremely necessary -> you can say "...vitally important/ crucial"
- Several scientists and researchers with great brains are calling for funding in ... -> I think this sentence is too long. You should paraphrase it. My suggestion would be "Many scientists and researchers in various countries are in urgent need for funding to carry out their projects, thus government should help them in terms of finance."

Overall, I see that you use a wide range of vocabulary and have a good essay structure. Keep on going!
adip 12 / 13  
Aug 11, 2016   #7
All around the world, extraordinary sums of money ...

Hello this is my introduction

Such some regions in the whole world the ministers are spending plenty of money which proposed for increasing and being easier about the internet access. Due to the fact that they have ambition will accrue on the quality of population proportion in short-term. I am more likely to compensate money in different aspect such as focusing on citizen health percentage as it also brings several benefits for the administer.


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